I often wonder if you can actually hear me when I talk to you.
I know its a little freaky when I say hi to your picture when I get home late at night, or when I smile at you and say "Bye Pops!" before I leave the house.
I guess you can say that even if I've accepted your demise, I can't really find it my heart to erase you from my life. I still want to go on each day knowing that you're just around. Because I believe love is stronger than death.
Which is why when I'm alone in my room, sitting on the edge of my bed while looking out the window, I whisper things to you. I wonder if you can hear me...but I'd like to believe that you can.
A lot has happened to me in the past few months. It's been one hell of a bumpy, rollercoaster, sometimes-I'm-up-sometimes-I'm-down kind of ride. Pang-"all-around" ka talaga Pa, because when I'm feeling euphoric about something, I think of you. When I'm depressed, I think about you too. Whenever something happens to me, whenever I need to decide, I always think about you and I ask myself, "What would Papa do?" I sooo miss you.
I've been driving again (may bago na tayong car!) and when I'm stuck in traffic, I find myself spaced out and there have been times where I wish you were the one driving, just like the good 'ol days. I miss your funny comments. Remember the time you were asking me about my then boyfriend and I said that he was "okay". And I remember you saying, "Tingnan mo kung kalbo tatay niya, kasi kung oo, makakalbo din siya. Eh kung mapangasawa mo yan, gusto mo ba ng kalbo?" You make sense of senseless things. Funny ka talaga.
Whenever Mama and I have arguments (and you know it happens a lot), I begin to miss you. Because you get me more than she does. You're more open-minded and more...whats the word...unconventional. One of the things I loved most about you was that even when you and Mama got along like 2 fighter fishes in one fishbowl, you would always remind me to respect her and to apologize to her whenever we'd fight, even if she was the one at fault.
Pa, Happy birthday! 55 ka na. But you've always been young at heart. You know, I remembered lang the other day that you were the one who bought me the album of Black Machine because you were in a record store, heard "Howgee" (tenenenen!) and thought it was a cool song. Days later, my classmates were dancing to the song. I remember finding it so weird that my dad was more up to date with the hits than I was. You also introduced me to the music of Frank Sinatra (I can still hear you singing "I've got you under my skin"), Shamrock and Shenanigans ("Jump around!!!") and Cypress Hill ("Insane in the Brain!") I can also vividly remember the two of us arguing over who owned the "The Doors" album at home. I said it was mine but you were claiming that it was yours. But really Pa, for the last time, that album was mine. :)
So there. Happy Birthday to you, grooviest dad in the universe! Too bad you can't be here to pig out with us. I really miss you. We all do. And sorry, I never got to get your TV fixed...that was supposed to be my birthday gift for you last year, remember?
Papa, I read somewhere that "Death ends a life, not a relationship." And I'm glad that I still have a great relationship with you. Know that you will always be part of everything I do and that you will continue to live....in me. I love you.
Your daughter who's just as wacky as you, Bunny
P.S. By the way, your girlfriend, Tita Irene, sent you lots of white roses. Miss ka na daw niya. We placed it by your picture. And also, I hope you don't mind if we visit you tomorrow na lang. Coding yung car eh and the weather's not good :( Love you ulit!
If I could steal one final glance One final step, one final dance with him I’d play a song that would never, ever end ‘Cause I’d love, love, love to dance with my father again --"Dance with my Father" by Luther Vandross (I swear, this song always brings me to tears)
Bunny @ Friday, September 16, 2005
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about moi
Loves the beach, wishes she had more time and money to travel, recently got hooked to
climbing mountains, reads anything she can get her hands on, frustrated writer, adores her
3-year-old Lhasa Apso, Tashi,
constantly needs caffeine, wonders when she'll quit smoking, and will most
likely die due to liver complications from drinking too much (if the cigarettes
doesn't get to her lungs first). Can't live without accessories especially
big, dangling earrings, shoe freak (aren't we all?), sucker for discovering
hole-in-the-wall restaurants, will ingest anything spicy, enjoys giving and receiving
massages, addicted to Friends, Sex and the City and CSI, goes gaga over kids, dreams of
being alone with Jim Morrison and smoking a joint with Bob
Marley. Would love to party with Gwen Stefani, shop with Patricia Field, write poetry with
Maya Angelou and have Sting, Nelson Mandela, Mark Twain and Bono over for
dinner.
