I often wonder if you can actually hear me when I talk to you.
I know its a little freaky when I say hi to your picture when I get home late at night, or when I smile at you and say "Bye Pops!" before I leave the house.
I guess you can say that even if I've accepted your demise, I can't really find it my heart to erase you from my life. I still want to go on each day knowing that you're just around. Because I believe love is stronger than death.
Which is why when I'm alone in my room, sitting on the edge of my bed while looking out the window, I whisper things to you. I wonder if you can hear me...but I'd like to believe that you can.
A lot has happened to me in the past few months. It's been one hell of a bumpy, rollercoaster, sometimes-I'm-up-sometimes-I'm-down kind of ride. Pang-"all-around" ka talaga Pa, because when I'm feeling euphoric about something, I think of you. When I'm depressed, I think about you too. Whenever something happens to me, whenever I need to decide, I always think about you and I ask myself, "What would Papa do?" I sooo miss you.
I've been driving again (may bago na tayong car!) and when I'm stuck in traffic, I find myself spaced out and there have been times where I wish you were the one driving, just like the good 'ol days. I miss your funny comments. Remember the time you were asking me about my then boyfriend and I said that he was "okay". And I remember you saying, "Tingnan mo kung kalbo tatay niya, kasi kung oo, makakalbo din siya. Eh kung mapangasawa mo yan, gusto mo ba ng kalbo?" You make sense of senseless things. Funny ka talaga.
Whenever Mama and I have arguments (and you know it happens a lot), I begin to miss you. Because you get me more than she does. You're more open-minded and more...whats the word...unconventional. One of the things I loved most about you was that even when you and Mama got along like 2 fighter fishes in one fishbowl, you would always remind me to respect her and to apologize to her whenever we'd fight, even if she was the one at fault.
Pa, Happy birthday! 55 ka na. But you've always been young at heart. You know, I remembered lang the other day that you were the one who bought me the album of Black Machine because you were in a record store, heard "Howgee" (tenenenen!) and thought it was a cool song. Days later, my classmates were dancing to the song. I remember finding it so weird that my dad was more up to date with the hits than I was. You also introduced me to the music of Frank Sinatra (I can still hear you singing "I've got you under my skin"), Shamrock and Shenanigans ("Jump around!!!") and Cypress Hill ("Insane in the Brain!") I can also vividly remember the two of us arguing over who owned the "The Doors" album at home. I said it was mine but you were claiming that it was yours. But really Pa, for the last time, that album was mine. :)
So there. Happy Birthday to you, grooviest dad in the universe! Too bad you can't be here to pig out with us. I really miss you. We all do. And sorry, I never got to get your TV fixed...that was supposed to be my birthday gift for you last year, remember?
Papa, I read somewhere that "Death ends a life, not a relationship." And I'm glad that I still have a great relationship with you. Know that you will always be part of everything I do and that you will continue to live....in me. I love you.
Your daughter who's just as wacky as you, Bunny
P.S. By the way, your girlfriend, Tita Irene, sent you lots of white roses. Miss ka na daw niya. We placed it by your picture. And also, I hope you don't mind if we visit you tomorrow na lang. Coding yung car eh and the weather's not good :( Love you ulit!
If I could steal one final glance One final step, one final dance with him I’d play a song that would never, ever end ‘Cause I’d love, love, love to dance with my father again --"Dance with my Father" by Luther Vandross (I swear, this song always brings me to tears)
Bunny @ Friday, September 16, 2005
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
It's 8am and I am sooooo craving for Vodka Kurant.
And a maraschino cherry, please.
Maybe later, after work....
I WANT YOUUUUUU!
Bunny @ Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Monday, September 12, 2005
THE MIKE HANOPOL EXPERIENCE
After my morning run with my dog, Tashi last Saturday, my pregnant sister asked me if I could bring her to her boyfriend's house in Cubao. I tried to get in touch with a couple of friends who lived nearby to accompany me but none of them were available and so I ended up going alone.
Since I was already in Cubao, a place I don't go to very often, I decided to do something I haven't done in a long time: UKAY-UKAY.
And so I parked in one of the Araneta malls, placed my money and my cellphone inside my travel pouch (thanks, Habagat!) and walked to the very busy street of Aurora Blvd and scoured the racks and boxes of every ukay-ukay store I could find. I crossed Edsa and found a few other stores which had nice stuff.
I was going through the racks of this one store when I noticed a guy in a black beret cap with thinning, shoulder length hair. His back was in front of me. He was wearing a white shirt, a pair of jeans, flip flops and he had with him a very cool-looking messenger bag. He turned around and my jaw dropped. Because I could have sworn it was the legendary Mike Hanopol.
[rewind] Just a few weeks ago, I couldn't sleep because when I closed my eyes, Juan Dela Cruz Band's "No Touch" started playing in my head. When I woke up the next morning, the song was still in my head and so as a cure, I downloaded all my favorite songs by the band--"Beep Beep", "Laki sa Layaw", "Titser's Enemy #1", "Balong Malalim", "Himig Natin" and of course, "No Touch". The last time I saw this great group perform was at their reunion concert at the World Trade Center.
So going back to Saturday, I ended up staring at Mike instead of going through clothes. I really don't get starstruck. I mean, I've only asked for the autographs of 2 people in my lifetime: Pol Medina of Pugad Baboy who drew me a very cute cartoon and rock god, Pepe Smith, also from Juan Dela Cruz Band who signed the sheet of paper I handed him with, "Bunny, You rock!" (kileg!). But last Saturday, I was a hairline away from getting a white shirt, going up to Mike Hanopol and asking him to grant me his autograph.
He caught me looking at him so I moved away (kakahiyaaaa!!!). Minutes later, I couldn't find anything I fancied in the store so I left and moved to the another store a few steps away. And lo and behold, there he was again (can you say, meant to be?)!We were both looking at bags but the one he was interested in were hanging from the ceiling. I overheard him talking to the saleladies and they asked him what he did for a living:
Mike: Artist po ako. Saleslady: Ay sir, kaya pala parang nakikita ko kaya sa tv.
I glanced up, he caught my eye and half-smiled. I nervously smiled back and in a split second, went back to looking at bags. Didn't see anything I liked and left him there.
The half-smile was enough to make this big fan of the ultimate pinoy rock band, Juan Dela Cruz Band--happy.
To tell you the truth, I'm still having doubts if it was him. But I swear, I swear, it was really Mike Hanopol.
Sana next time, si Pepe Smith naman makasalubong ko.
Have a great week, everyone!
Bunny @ Monday, September 12, 2005
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Tinseltown is the name of the chatroom my online friends and I created waaaayyyy waaaayyyy back our IRC days. Almost all of us were still in college then and it's pretty amazing that even if we haven't used mIRC or Pirch for many years now, we've still managed to keep the friendship very strong and intact. So strong that these people will most likely be part of the entourage in my wedding (if I ever get hitched) and Godmothers/Godfathers to my future kids. The girls (Charo, Kookie, Shirley and Gina), most especially are people I consider my closest closest friends. And it's funny because our personalities are all quite different from one another, which just makes it more amazing how well we mesh together.
Although our gimmicks have evolved from lets-go-out-almost-every-night-and-drink-till-we-drop-dead, bring-out-the-beer-bong to dinner, dessert and occasionally a few drinks (Yes guys, we are getting old), one thing has remained the same: delicious food plus fun and silly times and lots of laughter mixed with intelligent conversations.
For the past 2 weeks, we've been meeting up for dinner every Thursday (we should really start making this a weekly thing) and well..I just loovvee these people too much!
With our favorite guys of the night, Ben and Jerry--the ice cream (Phish Food)
Last Thursday while having dessert at Cold Rock. Yummiineessss!!! I swear, you guys should try it. A little pricey but very worth it!
Bunny @ Saturday, September 10, 2005
Thursday, September 08, 2005
DAMN IF YOU DO, DAMN IF YOU DON'T
One of the biggest mistakes I've committed in my previous relationships was I wasn't always that honest but I wasn't a complete liar either. Sure, I told the truth but sometimes, I told half-truths. I spared a few details that I knew would upset my then significant other...things like, bumping into an ex or an ex getting in touch with me from out of the blue or receiving a love letter from someone, etc. I have a friend who saved her ex's name as a female name in her cell because her current bf would get mad if he found the name there. But she's not having an affair. She and her ex are just in good terms, that's all.
My reason for not telling was I didn't see the point of telling him then fighting over something that's really...well...nothing. It's not like I had done something crazy like make out with someone or went out on a date. No harm done.
But of course, eventually, I realized this was wrong. Because telling half-truths would give the impression that you're doing something wicked behind their back. They'd say, "if nothing was going on, or if you weren't doing anything crazy, why hide it from me?" and the simple answer of, "because I knew you'd get mad" would never be good enough.
So when Jay came into my life, I vowed to change all that. I was completely honest right from the very beginning. No holds barred. He'd ask questions about what had happened and then sometimes we'd both laugh the incident off. But last night, after telling him that I received cake from someone who likes me (and this guy knows about how much I love Jay), he got upset and just left.
I couldn't find anything wrong with being completely honest. I'd rather that he heard it from me, than from someone else. If he's threatened by this guy, I don't understand why he should be. I mean, sheesh, had I wanted to see someone else, I could have done so during the 2 months that I didn't hear from him. But I didn't. I waited, despite the many negativity that I received during that time. Because I have faith in what we have, because I trust him, because I love him. At the end of the day, even if he's still not physically with me, he's the only one I want and he's the only one I want to go on all my dates with. And no one and definitely not cake from someone will ever change that.
I still haven't heard from Jay. But I am hoping that he gets over this, that the next time I talk to him (hopefully, today), everything will be a okay.
Bunny @ Thursday, September 08, 2005
Gadget fanatics may be dismayed (if you already have an iPod) and ecstatic (if you don't have one yet and planning on getting one) because Apple just came out with a smaller, thinner but I really can't say better version of the iPod...tadaaaahh! iPod Nano.
It's as thin as a pencil, its fully colored--it can store photos, available in only black and white, comes in 2gb and 4gb models and at 1.5 ounces, its as light as a CD case.
Do I want it? Not really. My mini is hot pink, has 6gb, the weight has never bothered me and Jay gave it to me. :)
But the black one looks really slick, huh?
Bunny @ Thursday, September 08, 2005
Sunday, September 04, 2005
Jay bought a new car. The license plate he got is personalized and a few days ago, he said he was thinking of "hotrabt" as the license plate. But that he's still not sure and might change it to something else.
And then the next day, he tells me he's decided on what the license plate will be...
*Big smile*(If you were me, wouldn't your heart be hopping in joy?)
Is that sweet or what? :)
Bunny @ Sunday, September 04, 2005
Meet the newest member of the family, my cousin, Baby John Marco. He fell asleep in my arms minutes after I carried him. Sooooooo cute!
We all can't wait for my sister to give birth!
Bunny @ Sunday, September 04, 2005
Loves the beach, wishes she had more time and money to travel, recently got hooked to
climbing mountains, reads anything she can get her hands on, frustrated writer, adores her
3-year-old Lhasa Apso, Tashi,
constantly needs caffeine, wonders when she'll quit smoking, and will most
likely die due to liver complications from drinking too much (if the cigarettes
doesn't get to her lungs first). Can't live without accessories especially
big, dangling earrings, shoe freak (aren't we all?), sucker for discovering
hole-in-the-wall restaurants, will ingest anything spicy, enjoys giving and receiving
massages, addicted to Friends, Sex and the City and CSI, goes gaga over kids, dreams of
being alone with Jim Morrison and smoking a joint with Bob
Marley. Would love to party with Gwen Stefani, shop with Patricia Field, write poetry with
Maya Angelou and have Sting, Nelson Mandela, Mark Twain and Bono over for