Thursday, December 23, 2004
THE YEAR THAT WAS
2004 was not a very good year for me. Despite having chinese blood, I did not believe what my chinese astrology sign told me about what this year had to offer for goats like me. I was optimistic, my family was happy and complete, I was inlove, I had a very fun job, I adored my friends, I was independent, what could go wrong, right?
I spoke too soon. The year began with me losing the coolest woman in the world. I'm not even over her demise yet so you can just imagine my remorse when the most important man in my life passed away late this year.
My career was also in a very confused state. I left my first retail job in rockwell in search for the perennial "greener pasture" and found one in a more established clothing company for moms and kids. But that didn't turn out so good and I left them after a few months. Now I'm back in the industry where I started (IT) and I'm working for a really good company. Still, 3 jobs in one year= NOT GOOD.
When it came to matters of the heart, the year of the monkey has failed me. A relationship I have been nurturing for 3 years ended. Thankfully, for the right reasons. Still.
Healthwise, this year was awful. Instead of spending my summer getting a tan, I spent two and a half weeks of my summer (including holy week!) inside a small condo unit, watching DVDs, pigging out and drinking medicines all because of an ailment that I should have gotten when I was still a kid: Chicken Pox.
Financially, this year was tough. I was perenially broke. Why wouldn't I be? How many times did I have to take a leave from work this year? Lola died= leave. Chicken pox= leave. Papa passed away=leave. Add pa all those days where I was simply feeling under the weather or plain tinatamad (we all have those kind of days, right?). Throw in the fact that I was a bum for about a month and 2 weeks. That's 3 penniless paydays. Damn.
So please don't blame me if I can't find a tinge of yuletide spirit and joy within me. Please forgive me if I'm not all bubbly and wonderful. It has been one hell of a difficult year. 2004 was oppressive. It was ball, back and heart-breaking all at the same time. It was exhausting and excruciating. 2004 was a bad, mean, cruel, unyielding bitch. And thank goodness that in exactly 8 days, she will be gone.
BUT!!! (yes, a but! and a good one at that)
I had a change of heart.
Maybe it was the colorful christmas lights.
Or the sight of children playing and grinning from ear-to-ear.
Or couples hugging and holding hands (made me miss being with someone this time of the year, really.).
Or families gathered together, laughing.
Maybe it was how I was wracking my brain just to find the perfect gift for my sister, Marby (which I found) and my Mom (which I have yet to find).
It also could have been the beautiful christmas songs the choir was singing.
It could be all the nice gifts I've recieved (i love love love them all!!! Keep 'em coming! hahaha!).
Or probably the heart-tugging messages I am getting through SMS, email, friendster, YM.
Maybe it was the whiff of different kinds of herbs from the market. (Bought some for my boss, our HR head and a preggy colleague)
Or me just staring at a whole bunch of daisies in different colors. (I was seriously considering getting one for myself...just to cheer me up. But decided not to after seeing how many bags I was carrying)
It can also be how Aina, Marby, Bianca and I were all sitting down at the floor at home yesterday morning, bonding and story-telling while wrapping gifts for family and friends.
Maybe it's the cold air. It's a nice kind of cold. The type that makes you want to embrace every single person you care for.
Possibly, it is the smiles, giggling and "thanks you's" I got after my officemates opened the presents I gave them.
It could also be the very distinct memory of Papa organizing a mini treasure hunt at home a few years back. I really do miss my Dad. I think of him a million times a day. And I would want nothing more but to just be with him this holiday season. (shoot, naiiyak na naman ako. baaaddd.)
Whatever it is, albeit just a teeny weeny bit late (better late than never), I wanna thank "it" for finally making me feel like it's Christmas.
Amidst the hustle and bustle, the exchange of gifts and the parties this season brings, let's not forget that it's also a great time and reason for healing broken relationships, creating new ones and further strengthening the ones that we hold close to our hearts.
And of course, let's remember to greet Someone very special a Happy Birthday.
To everyone who's been reading my little room on the internet(whether you've been reading it since 2002 or you just started recently), thank you for being such great company online. For sharing your thoughts and always giving your 2 cents worth, I am indebted to you for eternity. My online journal is not just a place where I vent, it has been more like a bestfriend because of all of you. Again, THANK.YOU.SO.MUCH.
Merry Christmas to everyone!!! Let's all stay happy and let's keep on looking at the brighter side of life. Don't forget to SMILE!!!
To further prove how Christmas-y I am feeling, here are a few shots of myself (vanity is REALLY my favorite sin!) at work this morning. Hehe!
The santa hat is for the presentation my group and I are doing at the company's christmas party tonight. I'm playing the Mommy who kissed Santa in "I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus". Haha!
Walang konek. I just wanted to post it. This was taken while having coffee with officemates in Starbucks a few hours ago. Har har!