I am itching to go to the beach again so I'm planning a trip to Galera with my sisters on January 1-2. Does anyone out there have a contact number of a reasonably priced resort? I want to make arrangements prior to going there as I am sure the island will be jampacked due to the holiday season. Please leave the number at the comment box or send me an email at bunnyc@gmail.com.
Bunny @ Thursday, December 30, 2004
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Wednesday, December 29, 2004
SOMETHING DIFFERENT
When I entered the office this morning, this was how my officemates greeted me:
"Bunny, ikaw ba yan?!"
"Woah."
"May lagnat ka ba?" (actually, meron.)
"O di kaya kinukumbulsyon ka?"
"Kakaiba ka today."
"isdatchu?"
"Something's up with you, buns"
All because I'm wearing a long sleeved top. Ha!
Bunny @ Wednesday, December 29, 2004
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Tuesday, December 28, 2004
ON OUR OWN
My mom went back to the U.S. last Sunday night. It was a great, funny and very very noisy (unbelievably noisy! 2 years worth of nagging coming into play! imagine that!)2 weeks.
Speaking of going back, guess who's moving back home? Yours truly. I really don't want to leave my place in Pasig...I love our unit, I've befriended a number of people in the area, it's close to a lot of great cafes and a lot of malls and I really love how convenient the location is. But I cannot find it in my heart to leave my 3 youngest sisters alone at home. I don't think I can sleep at night knowing that they're on their own. The family will ALWAYS come first. Even if it means putting my own life on-hold for a little bit.
I've been staying at the ancestral home since the 24th and so far, it's been so so so fun!!! I hauled all my laundry (consisting of a comforter, bed sheets, pillow cases, towels and loads of clothes!) to our home and asked my 14-year-old sister, Sunshine, to teach me how to use the washing machine. And surprise, surprise, I loovveee doing the laundry! As long as there's a washing machine ha! It's aliw! Hahaha! I shall become the next domesticated diva! It has also been a relief to see my sisters being responsible on their own: washing their own dishes, taking out the trash, cooking meals (Kristine's job, mostly.), cleaning the bathroom (yes, believe it!!! I'm sooo proud of you, Shine! hahaha!), feeding Tashi, making sure all the doors at home are locked, etc. So you see, I don't think it's going to be THAT difficult, after all. As long as we all help each other, we're going to have our house running like clockwork in no time.
There are still a lot of things to do. Like I still need to inform my landlord that we're moving out, pay whatever bills we still need to pay, move our stuff and fix my room at home. It's really one big mess right now as they have turned it into a storage area when I moved out. Huhuhu!
The good side is I now get to be with my sisters, I don't have to pay rent (big load off my back!) and utilities (woohoo!). And there is a promise of food on the table everyday! (nakuu, paano na ako papayat niyan? hehe!) Plus, I now have a landline again (Charo and Kookie will be sooo happy!)
Bad side is...hmmm...there really is no bad side. I think this is what's best. I'd like to treat it as, our-parents-are-on-a-very-long-vacation-and-so-yipeee-we-have-the-entire-house-to-ourselves kind of thing. With more responsibilities and at a more mature level, of course. Hehe!
GIRLS NIGHT-OUT
Decided to take my 3 youngest sisters out last night. We headed to Market! Market! but the mall was already closed when we got there. We were walking around the market area and came upon a line of stalls selling flowers. When they saw daisies, they all asked me if I wanted one, they will buy for me daw. Aawww! How sweet noh? Of course I wanted daisies!!! Come to think of it, I don't think anyone has given me daisies this year. Hmph. Anyway, I declined my sisters' offer. I'd rather that they spend their money on something else. It's really the thought that counts, anyway.
As Market! Market! was already closed and because we didn't want to go home yet and they wanted to do some shopping, we transferred to Eastwood City. This is one of the things I love about having all girls for siblings: shopping is always a blaaassstt! While I had to restrain myself from buying more accessories (there were so many gorgeous ones in Eastwood's tiangge), my sisters splurged! Earring after bracelet after hair accessory after necklace--ang yaman nila ha! But that's fine coz now that we live together again, I can borrow the nice items they bought! Of course, I didn't come home empty handed. I really could not resist purchasing a pair of super beautiful chandelier earrings. I just had to call them mine. And so I did. Hehe!
After shopping, we headed to Mcdo for some Twister fries. I don't remember exactly what it was we were talking or how we got to the topic of my future love life but I'll never forget what Francine said: "No one will ever be good enough for Achi." Woah. Heavy. Heart-tugging. Yeaaahh, that's what sisters are for. Know that no one will ever be good enough for you, too.
We hung out Starbucks after and talked more. On our way home, we talked some more. I'm really looking forward to spending more time with my younger sisters. It's really cool that they are now at the age where I can talk to them about anything, where we can really bond as siblings. It's pretty cool.
Yehaaayy!! I'm home!
Bunny @ Tuesday, December 28, 2004
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Monday, December 27, 2004
HALT
It was over before it started
It was gone before it came
It was the end before the beginning
Like pressing stop before play
It was goodbye instead of hello
Imagine dessert coming before entrees
The night before the day
Or just work, work, work and no play
It's like winter without spring
A storm that ends with no sun
A drizzle with no rainbow
I just can't believe it's over,
Before it had even begun
Healthwise, this year was awful. Instead of spending my summer getting a tan, I spent two and a half weeks of my summer (including holy week!) inside a small condo unit, watching DVDs, pigging out and drinking medicines all because of an ailment that I should have gotten when I was still a kid: Chicken Pox.
Financially, this year was tough. I was perenially broke. Why wouldn't I be? How many times did I have to take a leave from work this year? Lola died= leave. Chicken pox= leave. Papa passed away=leave. Add pa all those days where I was simply feeling under the weather or plain tinatamad (we all have those kind of days, right?). Throw in the fact that I was a bum for about a month and 2 weeks. That's 3 penniless paydays. Damn.
So please don't blame me if I can't find a tinge of yuletide spirit and joy within me. Please forgive me if I'm not all bubbly and wonderful. It has been one hell of a difficult year. 2004 was oppressive. It was ball, back and heart-breaking all at the same time. It was exhausting and excruciating. 2004 was a bad, mean, cruel, unyielding bitch. And thank goodness that in exactly 8 days, she will be gone.
BUT!!! (yes, a but! and a good one at that)
I had a change of heart.
Maybe it was the colorful christmas lights.
Or the sight of children playing and grinning from ear-to-ear.
Or couples hugging and holding hands (made me miss being with someone this time of the year, really.).
Or families gathered together, laughing.
Maybe it was how I was wracking my brain just to find the perfect gift for my sister, Marby (which I found) and my Mom (which I have yet to find).
It also could have been the beautiful christmas songs the choir was singing.
It could be all the nice gifts I've recieved (i love love love them all!!! Keep 'em coming! hahaha!).
Or probably the heart-tugging messages I am getting through SMS, email, friendster, YM.
Maybe it was the whiff of different kinds of herbs from the market. (Bought some for my boss, our HR head and a preggy colleague)
Or me just staring at a whole bunch of daisies in different colors. (I was seriously considering getting one for myself...just to cheer me up. But decided not to after seeing how many bags I was carrying)
It can also be how Aina, Marby, Bianca and I were all sitting down at the floor at home yesterday morning, bonding and story-telling while wrapping gifts for family and friends.
Maybe it's the cold air. It's a nice kind of cold. The type that makes you want to embrace every single person you care for.
Possibly, it is the smiles, giggling and "thanks you's" I got after my officemates opened the presents I gave them.
It could also be the very distinct memory of Papa organizing a mini treasure hunt at home a few years back. I really do miss my Dad. I think of him a million times a day. And I would want nothing more but to just be with him this holiday season. (shoot, naiiyak na naman ako. baaaddd.)
Whatever it is, albeit just a teeny weeny bit late (better late than never), I wanna thank "it" for finally making me feel like it's Christmas.
Amidst the hustle and bustle, the exchange of gifts and the parties this season brings, let's not forget that it's also a great time and reason for healing broken relationships, creating new ones and further strengthening the ones that we hold close to our hearts.
And of course, let's remember to greet Someone very special a Happy Birthday.
To everyone who's been reading my little room on the internet(whether you've been reading it since 2002 or you just started recently), thank you for being such great company online. For sharing your thoughts and always giving your 2 cents worth, I am indebted to you for eternity. My online journal is not just a place where I vent, it has been more like a bestfriend because of all of you. Again, THANK.YOU.SO.MUCH.
Merry Christmas to everyone!!! Let's all stay happy and let's keep on looking at the brighter side of life. Don't forget to SMILE!!!
To further prove how Christmas-y I am feeling, here are a few shots of myself (vanity is REALLY my favorite sin!) at work this morning. Hehe!
The santa hat is for the presentation my group and I are doing at the company's christmas party tonight. I'm playing the Mommy who kissed Santa in "I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus". Haha!
Walang konek. I just wanted to post it. This was taken while having coffee with officemates in Starbucks a few hours ago. Har har!
Bunny @ Thursday, December 23, 2004
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Tuesday, December 21, 2004
REMINDS ME OF...
After much prodding from my friend, JM, to find him a decent girl to date, I decided to finally skim through my cell's phonebook for a prospect. Decided to set him up with Rhia, a former colleague who, I thought would be his type.
They finally went out last night and JM called me while they were having dessert in Max Brenner (ohh la laaa). And based on the tone of their voices, it seemed like they had an amazing time together. Goodie!
JM even called me after their date and naturally, I asked for a detailed account of what transpired, which he obligingly gave. According to him, they spent the entire night laughing and just talking about everything under the sun. Good sign. And it looks like there's a second date waiting to happen in the very near future. Great, great. JM sounded really happy while I was talking to him. He finds my friend, Rhia, very smart, cute yet feisty and very funny. I spoke to Rhia and it appears like she had a grand time as well. To quote her, "JM is so nice! Ü". And she confirmed it, there will be a second date but the details have yet to be ironed out. That's really wonderful.
After talking to JM last night, I couldn't help but be reminded of how I felt after my first encounter with J. And I don't need to read this entry again to be reminded of it, because, among all my moments with J, our first date is the one that remains to be the most vivid.
I remember being such a nervous, fidgety wreck while preparing for the date (kasi naman, i was out of the dating scene for 3 years!). During the date, I remember laughing and talking, laughing and talking. I remember sighing and saying, "Wow!" right after he brought me home. I remember Aina and her then bf, Jello, laughing at me as soon as I entered the house because I had this smile plastered on my face. To put it simply, I was fascinated, overwhelmed and captivated by the million things I had in common with him and how we get along like peas in a pod. And I stayed that way for the next few weeks.
I'm way over that stage, that phase where you swoon about every single thing that someone you like does for you. There are no more kilig moments, just comfortable ones. While smiling or talking to him still brings a smile to my lips, it's just really different now. I can't seem to put my finger on it but right now, we're great friends who ask for each other's opinion, who confide in each other. I have reason to believe it's going to stay that way for awhile. And that's fine. Really.
Bunny @ Tuesday, December 21, 2004
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Monday, December 20, 2004
DEAR J,
I missed you this weekend.
I tried having a conversation with a certain, fairly new, guy friend last weekend and I just couldn't get a good one out of him. I couldn't get the kind I got when I talk to you. You know, the type that just flows. The type that can easily segue from one topic to the other, without any lull moments. And even if there were lull moments between us, it was the comfortable kind, not the awkward, shit-what-do-I-say-next one. Last weekend, I suddenly found myself wishing I was at Starbucks, having coffee in between cigarettes and conversing with you, instead of him.
So there, that's really it. I just miss your company. It's as simple as that.
just me,
Bunny
Bunny @ Monday, December 20, 2004
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MY FIRST CHRISTMAS GIFT FOR 2004
I believe in the cliche, "Promises are meant to be broken". When someone promises me something, I usually treat it with the in-one-ear-out-the-other kind of enthusiasm. Because it's really better to not expect. Better to be surprised than hope for something that never really comes or happens.
If you love coffee and have been to Starbucks lately, you probably know by now that they're giving away really neat limited edition 2005 planners and the only way you can own one is to purchase 21 drinks. Even if my officemate, Ian, promised me that he would give me the planner he will get when he finishes his 2nd card (yeah, he got his first one na. shareholder ata ng starbucks eh. hehe!), I continued to work on my own card.
As soon as I got to work this morning, he handed me the planner. I finally have it!!! Kinilig ako, grabe. Not because I like Ian, (Jeez,I do like him, but not in THAT way) but because the planner is gorgeoussss! Inside, a note from Ian says,
Bunny,
What can I say? To my other cookie half, merry christmas and a blessed new year!
Just continue being passionate in whatever you do, because your passion inspires people.
Dream big, love all you can and laugh like there's no tomorrow.
If you want to have coffee, I'm just a text away.
Ian
Thank you, Ian! Happy happy joy joy!
Bunny @ Monday, December 20, 2004
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Friday, December 17, 2004
PRESSURE
While talking to another one of my sisters, Francine, over the phone this afternoon:
"Chie, musta na kayo ni Nip tuck?" (pertaining to J)
"Ok lang. We're good friends."
"Good friends? Baket friends lang?"
"Eh ganun eh."
"Wushuuu...ikaw kasi, ayaw mo pa mag-boyfriend. You're the one with the problem.
"Not really...Bakit ba, why are you rushing me? What's wrong with being just friends?"
"Because I want to have a pamangkin na! You have to be engaged by next year! I want a pamangkin before I leave for the States!
"When I find the right one, you won't get a pamangkin...you'll get pamangkins."
Later on, we were talking about how we're both still not done with our Christmas shopping. When I asked her what she wanted from me this christmas, she said,
"A pamangkin!!!"
Har har. Me need to find a suitable groom-to-be first. Actually, me need to fall inlove with someone first.
Hmmm...seems like it's going to be a long wait. But then again, we'll never know for sure. Hehe!
Bunny @ Friday, December 17, 2004
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MORPHINE FOR THE HEART
Was talking to good friend, Gibs early this morning. When he asked about my sister, I told him that she's still suffering from a hang-over due to the anesthesia that was used on her. They injected it sa spine niya kasi eh. Pretty strong stuff. It was then that I said,
"Sana may anesthesia para sa puso, noh?"
Gibs laughs and tells me that I was too deep for 6 in the morning. Haha!
Bunny @ Friday, December 17, 2004
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HEY SISTER GO!
My greatest fear in the world is to find out that I am barren. To find out that I won't be able to concieve my very own bundle of joy will totally crush my world.
6 months ago, they found a cyst in my sister, Kristine's right ovary. Doctors said we should just observe. A few days after my dad passed away, my sister paid a visit to her ob-gyne and guess what they found? a new cyst..this time, at her left ovary. It's too early to tell if its cancerous or not.
Last Tuesday, they took out her right ovary. And now her chances of bringing a child into this world are way slimmer. If this happened to me, I'd be bawling like the baby that I will have a hard time having. But Kristine is strong. She has remained cheerful despite of the ordeal she's had to go through. And I'm so proud of her. Way to go, sis!
Nakuha pa niyang mag-funny face. These were taken at the hospital last night, when I slept over.
Bunny @ Friday, December 17, 2004
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Thursday, December 16, 2004
HO HUM...
For the past 3 days, I've been waking up early, on time. But for the past 3 days, I've also been late for work. Because I'm so tamad to move. Because I just want everything to be in slow-mo mode for a change. I haven't even been that productive at work for the past week.
I want to spend my day in a cafe and just catch up on my reading. I'm not even halfway through the book I'm reading now and I still have 3 others lined up. I want to write about anything, even if it will probably make no sense. I want to delve on my life, on who I was before and who I have become. I want to contemplate and ponder. I want to open my super big box of "things that happened in 2004", rummage through it and decide on the things I still want to do and accomplish in the coming years, and things I should probably avoid doing. I want to spend an entire day, in a beachbed, a cabana or in a cozy chair in a garden, with endless cups of coffee and just mull over every single facet of my life. I wanna try and figure things out. I want to be pensive. I want to reflect. I want to put the rest of the world on hold. I wish there was a pause button you can just press. If only life was that easy.
Everyone is frantic and spazzed out. Why wouldn't they be? What with all the year-end deadlines, christmas parties to organize and attend, add to that the long list of people to give presents to.
I dunno. Maybe it's the turmoil and the hurly burly of the christmas season that's making me yearn for solitude. I honestly can't feel a tinge of holiday cheer within me. J says it just hasn't hit me yet. Heck, I don't even know if it will. I can feel it in my so so so not deep pockets, though.
I just want to get away, go on a personal escape. Maybe even with a friend or two (who wants to do the same thing) in tow. Maybe I'll go to my favorite place in Tagaytay this weekend and stay there the whole day and just do all these things. That would be nice, wouldn't it?
Bunny @ Thursday, December 16, 2004
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FRUITS OF MY BOREDOM
7 DEADLY SINS
ANGER 1. Who did you last get angry with? Like angry, angry? My Aunt, during my dad's wake. But that's all over and done with now. If pissed off angry lang, my sister. Just this morning. Hehe. 2. What is your weapon of choice? wit and sarcasm. 3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex? If i had every reason to, why not?
4. How about of the same sex? same as my answer to question #3.
5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you? My aunt from Question #1 6. What is your pet peeve? talking and taking phone calls inside a movie theatre, spitting on the street, people with a really bad sense of direction, people with no common sense.
7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily? I don't. I believe that grudges are bad for the heart, the brain and the skin. Hehe! I let bygones be bygones.
SLOTH 1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a while? Not naman daily, at least thrice a week sana. I have to start running again. Haven't been able to since Papa passed away.
2. What is the latest you've ever woken up? Oh gosh...after lunch? 3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't? My gradeschool bestfriend, Johanna. Don't know where to find her, she's not even on friendster. 4. What is the last lame excuse you made? I've been busy. Har har. 5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through (one of the long ones)? Yes! Except the chinese ones selling beauty products.
7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today? Just once! I woke up real early today!
GLUTTONY 1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice? Hmm..probably my tall cafe latte at Starbucks. Probably, ha. 2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark? Dark! 3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting?Uhhh..12 shots of tequila. And still standing, haha! But that was lightyears ago. 4. Have you ever used a professional diet company? Nevah. 5. Do you have an issue with your weight? sometimes. But I always try to reaffirm myself. 6. Do you prefer sweets, salty, or spicy foods? SPICCCYYY! 7. Have you ever looked at a small housepet or child and thought, "LUNCH"? Are you out of your mind? Hell no!
LUST 1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)? If we're going to include kids, babies, people at the spa, and those crazy, naked people on the street, A LOT. But otherwise, probably betweem 5-8. 2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)? the ones that I know of...very few. 3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation? nope. 4. Have you "done it"? *ehem* 5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice? a nice smile and eyes. 6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute? thankfully, no. 7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy? never had a reason to.
GREED 1. How many credit cards do you own? none. I'm petrified of them. But I'm considering getting one...for emergency purposes. 2. What's your guilty pleasure store? Watson's siguro. Coz I don't really splurge. And when I do, I buy books. And I don't consider that a guilty pleasure. 3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it? pay off my debts, buy a car, go on a trip to Brazil or Bora Bora. 4. Would you rather be rich or famous? Rich. 5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks? I may be inclined to. 6. Have you ever stolen anything? My cousins and I shoplifted greeting cards in HK! We did it just for fun, thank God we didn't get caught. 7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive? nada.
PRIDE 1. What's one thing you have done that you're most proud of? I am sooo independent. i don't live off anyone. 2. What's one thing you have done that your parents are most proud of? Gawd, i dunno. The fact that I've been able to survive on my own? 3. What's one thing you would like to accomplish in your life? find the right one and have the most gorgeous and happiest kids in the world (hopeless romantic noh?) 4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place? no. It's how you fought the war that matters. 5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill? Not yet. 6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score? oh yeaaah. 7. What did you do today that you're proud of? it's 10 in the morning. So there's not much to be proud of. Uhh...wake up early?
ENVY 1. What item of your friends would you most want to have for your own? kids 2. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be? Yeah..has to be Oprah. Or Sting. 3. Have you ever been cheated on? uh huh. 4. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own? firmer thighs, more matangos nose. 5. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself? the ability to hide real emotions 6. Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin? lust? hehe, joke. definitely, gluttony.
Bunny @ Thursday, December 16, 2004
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ACDC
Was smoking outside Gilligan's with my gay officemate last night when we got to the topic of his "boys".
"Do you want me to set you up?", Roy asked.
"Sure!"
"Ok lang sayo, bisexual?"
"Errr...let me think about it..."
Among the many many questions I like asking myself, this was one I didn't think of.
Would you ever consider dating a bisexual?
I asked Roy, "These bisexuals, are they more into men or women?"
"The ones I know now, are more into men. They still have girlfriends on the side, though."
"Huuwaaaattt?!?! the girlfriends are the ones on the side?!?!?"
"Yeah. Kawawa nga mga girlfriend nila eh. Hindi alam yung mga pinagagagawa ng boyfriend nila."
"Ay. Ayaw. I don't want to go out with a bisexual!"
So there. That's my answer. How about you? Would you date and consider having a relationship with someone who is also attracted to his/her gender? Or have you? Lemme know, lemme know.
Bunny @ Thursday, December 16, 2004
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Tuesday, December 14, 2004
SPUNKY DAISY'S SISTER
Made another blog, where I'll be posting song lyrics, poems and quotations that I like. Still needs a little tweaking but do visit!!!
While I will always believe that nothing will ever compare to the pain I felt (and am still feeling) when I lost Papa, I know that the world does not owe me anything and that it will not stop for my grief. It has far more greater and more important concerns. And while there are a few things that have been bugging me the past weeks, I know that compared to other people, I am still considered lucky and very blessed.
Last Saturday night, while the whole nation was celebrating Pacquiao's victory over Fahsan, I found myself on a bus with volunteers from UP-Pahinungod, a handful of doctors and my mountaineer friends. No, we were not going to conquer another mountain. We were on our way to the town of Real in Quezon for a medical mission. My mom didn't want me to go after seeing Quezon's current state on CNN. But I told her that I had already said yes and there was no way I was passing up the opportunity to help.
We got to Brgy. Tignaon's elementary school at around 4am and started the medical mission an hour later. Ethel and I were assigned in the registration table. Our job was to write down the person's name, age, sex, status and chief health complaint in a log sheet. In another piece of paper, we had to write all those things down again, give it to the patient, have their blood pressure and temperature taken and refer them to a doctor for consultation.
Funny story. I was attending to this middle-aged man...
Me: Sir, kasal na po ba tayo? (was asking for his civil status) Man: Tayo? Hindi pa. Pero sana sinabi mo saakin noon pa para nahintay kita.May asawa na kasi ako ngayon, iha.
Both of us laughed. Hehehe! Cute. See? Some people still know how to crack a joke inspite of all the troubles they go through.
What's weird was, almost everyone had the same ailments. The common ones were abdominal pains, cough and colds, dizziness and athlete's foot.
The medical mission was supposed to end at 3pm but they cut it short to 12nn, for reasons I don't know. Sayang nga eh, coz we really wanted to stay pa. Time flies pala when you're helping others. As long as you're doing it from the heart, ha.
I was looking at each of my friends yesterday. Each one of them were really into what they were assigned to do, no matter how menial or small our role was. And I think it was when I was looking at Ervin, handing out medicines and explaining to a patient when and how many times in a day she should take the meds, that I was left in awe. Here they were, people who drink like whales (hehe!), some smoke like chimneys (*raises hand*), they play pranks on one another, some people would probably think they've never had a serious moment in their entire lives because they're forever goofing around. But here they were, taking a risk, giving up their weekend to help. And I could see it in their faces...how truly sincere they were. How undescribably concerned they were for the people who lost homes, loved ones, belongings, food. And that really warmed my heart. It hit a spot. It made me feel so proud to be with these people, to be able to call them good friends.
And so, the world continues to turn. While I terribly miss my dad, while I sometimes sit at home and try to picture that he's still around and that he's probably on his way home, while I sometimes need to sneak out to just cry because I want to talk to Papa, I have to realize that the world will not stop to sympathize with my problems and my worries. It will go on. Move on. And in a way, I think it's telling me to do the same thing. And deep in my heart I know, Papa would want me to do just that.
Will do, Papa. Will do.
Me and Ethel at work
Photo break with fwends
Bunny @ Monday, December 13, 2004
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YOUR LOVE IS KING
I want to sing this song for the next person who will sweep me off my feet.
YOUR LOVE IS KING
Sade
Your love is king
Crown you with my heart
Your love is king
Never need to part
Your kisses ring
Round and round and round my head
Touching the very part of me
It's making my soul sing
Tearing the very heart of me
I'm crying out for more
Your love is king
Crown you with my heart
Your love is king
You're the ruler of my heart
Your kisses ring
Round and round and round my head
Touching the very part of me
It's making my soul sing
I'm crying out for more
Your love is king
I'm coming on
I'm coming
You're making me dance
Inside
Your love is king
Crown you with my heart
Your love is king
Never need to part
Your kisses ring
Round and round and round my head
Touching the very part of me
It's making my soul sing
Tearing the very heart of me
I'm crying out for more
Touching the very part of me
It's making my soul sing
I'm crying out for more
Your love is king
This is no
Blind faith
This is no
Sad or sorry dream
This is no
Blind faith
Your love, your love is real
(your love is king)
Gotta crown me with your heart
(your love is king)
Never never need to part
(your love is king)
Touch me
(your love is king)
never letting go
(your love is king)
Your Love is King
never letting go
(your love is king)
never gonna give it up
(your love is king)
I'm comming
(your love is king)
making me dance
Bunny @ Monday, December 13, 2004
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Friday, December 10, 2004
THIS THING CALLED 'IT'
Is is when he's the first person that comes to mind when you wake up?
And before you close your eyes at night?
Is it when he suddenly becomes the first person you run to when you're troubled?
And when you're really happy about something?
Is it when you refuse to go on any more dates with other people for fear that you might end up liking someone else?
Is it when you just feel at ease with him?
Is it when your friends tease you about how your eyes light up when he's around?
Is it when you've seen a number of his flaws and still like him just the same?
Is it when you can trust this person with your deepest, darkest secrets with no apprehension or doubt that he might get totally turned off by them?
Is it when you can tell if he's cranky?
And how he knows when something's bugging you?
Is it when you sometimes end up wondering what he's doing when you don't hear from him?
Or when you begin to miss his company after not seeing him for days?
Is it when everyone's asking why the 2 of you aren't together, when you seem to get along so well?
If all the answers to the questions above are yes, IS THAT IT?
------------------------------------------------
Was asking myself all these questions last night. And while reading "Letters to a Young Poet" at Starbucks last night (Thank you so much, Berns, for the copy! mwah!), I got my answer:
"...have patiencewith everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."
Beautiful, noh?
Bunny @ Friday, December 10, 2004
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Thursday, December 09, 2004
GUESS WHO'S COMING TO TOWN?
Aside from Santa...
My biggest critic is arriving from the U.S. tomorrow night.
And I can already hear her reprimanding me for not taking very good care of my skin which she will assume (and she's most probably right) was caused by smoking cigarettes and not visiting my Derma (I hate going to the hospital for check-ups..a trait I got from Papa). And if she ever finds out how much coffee I've been drinking for the past 2 years (since she's been away), she will give me a lengthy sermon on the harmful effects of caffeine on my body and my future offspring. She will also most likely ask me if I'm still into mountain climbing and when I do tell her that yes, I still am, she will go on and on about what a dangerous hobby it is and how she fears that I might gravely injure myself or that I might get killed, raped or hostaged by a NPA or something. She will also inquire if I still drink and when I tell her that I still do, she will give me a lecture on drinking moderately. And I will retaliate by saying that, wasn't she the one who could finish glasses and glasses of margarita during her younger years?
I can already picture her walking towards me, with a smile, looking ever so poised. I can hear her laughing and hounding me with questions about every single facet of my life. I can almost feel her, her hugs and her kisses which I have not felt in 2 years. She's sooo close to home and I can't wait to eat her Beef Stroganoff, Kare-Kare and Caldereta (the right kind of spicy! yum!) again. After 2 years, Mama is coming home and she's staying for the holidays.
For as long as I can remember, my mom and I have had a love-hate kind of relationship. Being the eldest, if there was a problem at home and she and my dad couldn't attend to it, she'd go running to me. Naturally. I always felt that she put so much pressure on me to excel in everything that I do, from getting high grades to learning how to play the piano. She perenially reminded me to be a role model to my younger sisters because they will always look up to me. Because I will always be, according to her, the second mom of the family. Whenever I would get into fights with my sisters, even if I am not the one at fault, Mama would always say, "Ate ka, matuto kang magpasensya." One time, I got so fed up, I said, "Mama, hindi naman ako biscuit noh!". Ha.
Though she's never said it, I know Mama has a secret desire for me to become like her. Problem is, we're different in a lot of ways. When I finished college, I really did not have plans of joining the workforce immediately. But it was Mama who insisted that I get a headstart on my job applications. And to please her, I did just that. And I haven't stopped working since. When I was in college, I told Mama that when I start working, I would subsidize for the tuition of my youngest sister. And I did. When our family's finances were dwindling and Mama asked me to take care of the tuition of another sister, I obliged. At the tender age of 23, I was paying for the schooling of 2 sisters. It was hard, not being able to enjoy the fruits of your labor, while you see your other friends going on weekly shopping sprees and vacations. But well....anything for the family. While I got my happy-go-lucky trait from my dad, my mom's being very responsible rubbed on me a bit. And I'm really grateful for that.
An issue that my mom and I argue about ALL THE TIME is my choice of work/profession. She claims that she can't understand why I don't want to work for a bank or a multinational. At least daw, the pay there is a LOT higher than what I'm currently getting. Then it would be my turn to reiterate that multinational, super corporate companies never did tickle my fancy. And that money isn't that important, at least to me. What's important is that I'm happy with what I'm doing. And besides, I get by with the money I earn. And I like struggling. Hehe. She'd sigh and just say, "Hay, Banini...hindi talaga kita maintindihan."
Being the outspoken one among my sisters, my mom can't take it when I try to justify my actions when she disgarees with them. For her, I'm already answering back. For her, I'm being disrespectful already. But to me, I'm just giving my 2 cents. I'm just being a human being voicing out her feelings and opinions. And I would ask her what was so wrong with that?
I never mentioned this here but my parents have been separated for 3 years. And my mom remarried when she was in the U.S. I remember being so dumbfounded when she told me...
Mom: I remarried.
Me: what? Ma, is this some kind of joke?
Mom: No, it's not a joke. It's true. I fell inlove with someone.
Me: What?!? And you never told me?
Mom: Bunny, can you please be the one to explain to your sisters?
Me: Maaaaa! I can't do that. That's your job.
Mom: Please? Your Papa is upset about it and the story won't come out right if they hear it from him.
Me: Maaaaaa! Ugh. What's your new family name?
Mom: Burger.
Me: What?!?!? As in Ham Burger? Hahahaha!
Mom: Hindi. B-E-R-G-E-R.
Me: Aaaahh...still sounds like hamburger to me! Haha!
And so it was my job to explain to my sisters why Mama is now a sandwich type of food we order in McDonald's or Jolibee. Hehehehe! My mom's husband seems like a pleasant man. We've spoken over the phone a few times and I always tell him to take care of Mama. One time, he told me,
"You know what your Mom says about you, Bunny?"
"What's that?"
"That you're the smartest one among the bunch. And that you're always the one who answers back. And she hates it because when you do, you actually make a good point."
Now, that made me laugh.
My biggest critic is coming home tomorrow. And I'm bracing myself for what she's going to say this time. I can't wait to see my Mom. I'm giddy with excitement!
Bunny @ Thursday, December 09, 2004
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TUMPAK
"I know it's a cornball thing, but love is passion, obsession, something you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? I say fall head over heels. Find someone you love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart...Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because the truth is, there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love -- well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived...Stay open. Who knows? Lightning could strike."--Anthony Hopkins in Meet Joe Black
Bunny @ Thursday, December 09, 2004
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Tuesday, December 07, 2004
AFTERNOON DELIGHT
Could this be ROUND 2? The following is a series of text messages exchanged between J and me this afternoon. We were talking about falling inlove and being very careful.
Me: If you're falling inlove, guard your heart.
J: I'm not about to let my heart go wild on me again. When I do get to the point of loving anyone, I'll welcome her into my life without fear, apprehension and doubt. I'm too old to play around pa.Hahaha!
Me: Hmmm, that makes me wonder. Isn't falling for someone a risk in itself already? If we don't take that risk, aren't we just fooling ourselves and playing around? Shouldn't we all just take that risk and plunge into the deep, unclear waters of love?
J: True that there are risks especially in love. One thing thats for sure is that you don't know what will happen tomorrow. Whether you're being recklessly compulsive going from 1 relationship to another or be overly careful in choosing, you will always be playing the game of love. It all depends on whether you have the courage to put your feet down and the intuition to say yes and grab your opportunity when it comes.
Me: Thing is, when it does come, how do you know for sure that its love? The last thing I want to do is to mistake like for love. Coz its happened before. And thats why I'm being real cautious now. How can you tell if you're already falling inlove or if you're really just in-like? And if you're not sure, why should you stop yourself or hold back? After all, there really are no guarantees.
J: It's better to be sure that you love the person. I don't need to know that she would be "the one" but I should know and feel that I love her. We both learned that there will be more pain if you mistake love for like and vise versa. There are always risks but there are things that you have to be sure of. I don't know how to know. There isn't a checklist that you can follow. Sana meron, but talagang hindi pwede. For me, and I guess for you too, it just happens. You just know when it hits you.
Me:I guess you're right...
J: The question now is, how sensitive are you when love does hit?baka namna kailangan banggain ka muna ng pison bago mo maisip na mahal mo na nga. Hahaha!
Me: Hahaha! I'm a girl, and unlike most guys, hindi ako manhid. Although sometimes, I want to be, para safer. One of the worst things in the world is to start falling for someone who probably doesnt feel the same way about you.
J: Well, it takes 2 to tango. Buang ka naman if solohin mo ang dance floor. Its not enough that you love him, he has to love you back.
Me: The million dollar question is....does he? There's no way of finding out eh. Thats the thing about falling for someone, its so risky, its scary. Lalo na if you're steering clear of having a broken heart again. Which is really inevitable naman. But then again, sometimes, its the not knowing if he feels the same way part that makes falling inlove all the more worthwhile.
J: Now thats a question only he can answer. what can we do if everybody is a sucker for love?
Me: Thats true. oh well, I'll know when I'm inlove and I'll deal with it when I already am.
J: That's true. We'll cross that bridge when we get there.Ü
I had to read it again...just to make sure. WE'll cross that bridge when WE get there. With a smiley face.
Sigh. What a wonderful 2-letter word that is. Indeed, indeed.
Bunny @ Tuesday, December 07, 2004
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Monday, December 06, 2004
THANK YOU
This event in my life has made me realize how many people truly love and care for me. And what friendship really means. And as morbid as this may sound, I have actually already pictured what my own wake will be like. Happy and jam-packed! Hahaha!
This entry goes out to all of you.
To my sisters-Marby, Kristine, Francine and Sunshine for being such strong girls and for still managing to smile amidst it all. I bet Papa is looking down at us right now through very proud eyes. It's just us girls, now. Let's always stick together. I love you guys sooo much.
To Aina--for missing school just to be there for me and Marby. For allowing yourself to have eyebags as big as mine, caused by each sleepless night we spent watching over my Dad. It means the world to me.
To JM--you were the first person I called after I heard the news. And though I didn't want to tell you what was wrong when I called and though I said that I just wanted to talk, thank you for sensing that something was indeed wrong and for making me kulit to tell you what it was. You knew how hesitant I was to rush to the hospital for fear that I will not be able to accept what was waiting for me there. You talked a lot of sense into me. And I am very, very grateful.
To Bianca, Ate Tinand John D--you guys stayed with me in the hospital the morning Papa passed away. You guys made me laugh for so many days and nights. Mwah, mwah and mwah!
To Dennis--7 years, I've known you. And although we don't really see or talk to each other a lot, you have always been there when absolutely needed. You were the first person I cried to over the phone when I was in the ER. And it came as a surprise when you came. Thank you for asking me everyday how I was doing. Thank you for coming to the wake and for being there during the funeral. You, truly are, one of my bestfriends. Pang-habangbuhay na to!
To Jun--It came as quite a shock when I saw you walking towards me in the hospital. It was past 2 in the morning. You lived in Antipolo. I was in Manila Sanitarium in Pasay. Faaaaarrr. How in the world did you get there so soon? And who told you?!?!? Later that night, eerrr, morning, I found out from JM that he called you just to ask for your opinion as to whether we should confine my dad in the ICU or to just let him go (the physician's suggestion. And what I knew, my dad would have wanted). JM said that instead of answering, you asked us where we were, hung up and rushed to the hospital. Thank you for being sleepless for almost a whole week. For being with me at the wake from sunset to sunrise. The last thing I wanted to make you feel was obligated. Because you were not in any way obligated to be at the wake almost every day (He only missed 2 nights! The first was because he had a family gathering, the 2nd was because of his sister's birthday). Thank you for bringing Cranium(whatta fun game!), for playing Word Factory/Boggle with us, and for lending me your pillow (ha! its found a new home in my bed!). I've only known you for a month and half but I feel like we've been friends for as long as I can remember.
To Charo, Jovan, Shirley, Gina and Kookie-- Lovers, lots and lots of thanks for the boxes of cookies and juice that you brought. Cha, you were the only person I texted when I was on my way to the hospital. Kasi nga, I knew na mas malakas ka kay God...and that's why I asked you to pray for my Dad. Hehe! Thanks guys, for calling and texting me everyday to simply ask how I was doing or if I needed anything. Shirley, thanks for calling me long distance and for making me kwento about your life there. The diversion was very very good! Haha! Kookie, the Reese's lip balm you gave me was, and is still such a treat! I love love love it! Chocolate na hindi nakakataba dahil hindi kinakain! Yummy!
To MESAU (Gea, Jun, Malic, Carlo, Stan, Nyl, Glenn, Jello, Ja, Christian, Fadz, Herbert, Ronald, Lyn)-- For the first time, I saw most of the guys in slacks! Haha! Thank you for coming to the wake...twice. And for staying till dawn. Pasensya na, di ko kayo masyado naasikaso. Natulugan ko pa kayo nung last night (pagod na talaga ako nun, promise). Because of you guys, not only have I fallen inlove with conquering mountains, I am awfully smitten by each and every one of you as well. You have swept me off my feet. Totoong tao, totoong kaibigan. Marami pa tayong gin na iinumin. Hahaha! Salamat ng marami!
To everyone else who called, sent their condolences and sympathy via text, over friendster messages or through email, to everyone who sent flowers and mass cards, to everyone who went to the wake to pay their respects...thank you so much. I was in awe. It means a lot to me.
Yesterday afternoon, I was exchanging text messages with Gibs. And I was telling him na parang hindi na ako "malakas" kay God. I know it's stupid of me to doubt Him, but, well, I just couldn't help it. Today, I got my answer in the words of Mother Teresa:
"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much."
Wow, He must really trust me a lot. And for that, I am eternally grateful.
Bunny @ Monday, December 06, 2004
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WHAT I WROTE AS SOON AS I GOT HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL LAST LAST FRIDAY MORNING
They say that when life throws you lemons, make lemonade. And that's actually something I've sort of mastered the art of doing for many years now. I've always believed that I would be able to roll with the punches. Except today. Screw the lemonade because I don't have the slightest clue what to make out of this.
Like most tragic events, this happened so fast. And yes, everything still looks hazy. And it is still a blur.
The past two weeks have been really hard on me. And the forever optimistic, lets-look-at-the-brighter-side, I'm-sure-something-good-will-come-out-of-this me strongly believed that God is finally nodding his head in amazement and that he is finally content with how I've dealt with the difficulties he gave me. I was sooooo confident that the worst was finally over. I have been tried and tested. I said, "God, siguro naman I pass this exam with flying rainbow colors.".
Apparently, not.
Apparently, the past 2 weeks of obstacles and dilemmas were given to me so I can brace myself for the gigantic, super dreadful one that was bound to happen today.
And evidently so, I was so, so, so not ala-girl scout prepared for this.
I can now officially say, that there are NO significant men in my life. A lover ended our relationship middle of this year and now, the most important man in my life has left me as well. The man who could make me cry by saying only one word. The man who bought me my first bike, and the 2 other bikes that followed. A man who spoiled me rotten but managed to instill discipline. The person from whom I acquired my happy-go-lucky trait from. The man who brought me to Manila's best restaurants and taught me to appreciate food. Through him, I learned how to give massages. He taught me to never leave my friends alone, to never allow anyone to look or talk down on me or any member of my family, to fight for what I believe in, to be brave and to always be myself. He was going to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day. He was going to be the coolest Lolo of my future kids.
And to think I just spoke to him a couple of days ago. He said my new cellphone is arriving end of this month. We even made plans to see each other tomorrow (Saturday). Well, we're still going to see each other. But this time, he'll be inside a coffin, unable to light a cigarette and tell me chismis about my sisters or ask me, for the nth time, about my new job and my dormant love life.
Papa is gone. And it's painful. It's excruciating. And I miss him. So much is an understatement.
The only thing I have left of my father are a whole lot of memories that keep playing back in my head, his 2 wallets and his last pack of cigarettes which I am smoking while I write this. I read somewhere that a truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty. Man, oh man, was my Dad rich!
I'm just glad I never forgot to tell him how much I love him. And that he always tells me he loves me.
I don't know how to end this...maybe because it shouldn't really end. A father's love for her daughter and a daughter's affection for her father goes on and on.
Gawd, I miss Papa.
Bunny @ Monday, December 06, 2004
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about moi
Loves the beach, wishes she had more time and money to travel, recently got hooked to
climbing mountains, reads anything she can get her hands on, frustrated writer, adores her
3-year-old Lhasa Apso, Tashi,
constantly needs caffeine, wonders when she'll quit smoking, and will most
likely die due to liver complications from drinking too much (if the cigarettes
doesn't get to her lungs first). Can't live without accessories especially
big, dangling earrings, shoe freak (aren't we all?), sucker for discovering
hole-in-the-wall restaurants, will ingest anything spicy, enjoys giving and receiving
massages, addicted to Friends, Sex and the City and CSI, goes gaga over kids, dreams of
being alone with Jim Morrison and smoking a joint with Bob
Marley. Would love to party with Gwen Stefani, shop with Patricia Field, write poetry with
Maya Angelou and have Sting, Nelson Mandela, Mark Twain and Bono over for
dinner.
