links open windows
::S p U n K y D a i S y:: hit tracker

Monday, March 27, 2006

A few nights ago, for lack of anything better to do, I took out our DVD of "Before Sunset" and watched it for the nth time.

The scene that always brings tears to my eyes is the one where they're on the ferry and Celine says that she never really gets over anyone because each person is made up of beautiful, specific details. And she ends up missing those things about each person.

But a few nights ago, I ended up sobbing in a totally different scene. Because the words just got to me. Because everything that Celine said hit a spot. Because what she said was exactly how I was feeling and more.

"For me it's better I don't romanticize things as much anymore. I was suffering so much all the time.

I still have lots of dreams, but they're not in regard to my love life.

It doesn't make me sad, it's just the way it is.

It's not so easy for me to be a romantic. You start off that way, and, after you've been screwed over a few times...You... you forget about all your delusional ideas, and you just take what comes into your life.

It reminded me how... genuinely romantic I was, how I had so much hope in things and now it's like...I don't believe in anything that relates to love, I don't feel things for people anymore.

In a way...I put all my romanticism into that one night and I was never able to feel all this again.

Like...somehow this night took things away from me and...I expressed them to you and you took them with you!

It made me feel cold, like if love wasn't for me!

Reality and love are almost contradictory for me.

...I always act know, I'm detached, but I'm dying inside.

I'm dying because I'm so numb,I don't feel pain, or excitement...I'm not even bitter..."

I think that's what happened. Jason brought my ability to fall inlove with him. He also took what very little was left of my optimism.

And if I never fall for anyone again or if I never love the way I love Jay, then that's okay. I could never regret giving him all that I could because he was worth it and he deserved it.

Everyday, I pray that God would give me a second chance at experiencing that kind of happiness and love and respect again.

I want me back.

I want my life back.

But then again, maybe Jason took mine with his.

I loved and lost and will never be found again...

about moi

Loves the beach, wishes she had more time and money to travel, recently got hooked to climbing mountains, reads anything she can get her hands on, frustrated writer, adores her 3-year-old Lhasa Apso, Tashi, constantly needs caffeine, wonders when she'll quit smoking, and will most likely die due to liver complications from drinking too much (if the cigarettes doesn't get to her lungs first). Can't live without accessories especially big, dangling earrings, shoe freak (aren't we all?), sucker for discovering hole-in-the-wall restaurants, will ingest anything spicy, enjoys giving and receiving massages, addicted to Friends, Sex and the City and CSI, goes gaga over kids, dreams of being alone with Jim Morrison and smoking a joint with Bob Marley. Would love to party with Gwen Stefani, shop with Patricia Field, write poetry with Maya Angelou and have Sting, Nelson Mandela, Mark Twain and Bono over for dinner.

View my complete profile
Custom Search

past bitchings

January 2002February 2002March 2002April 2002May 2002June 2002July 2002August 2002September 2002October 2002November 2002December 2002January 2003April 2003May 2003June 2003July 2003September 2003February 2004March 2004April 2004May 2004June 2004July 2004August 2004September 2004October 2004November 2004December 2004January 2005February 2005March 2005April 2005May 2005June 2005July 2005August 2005September 2005October 2005November 2005December 2005January 2006February 2006March 2006April 2006October 2006November 2006February 2007March 2007April 2007May 2007July 2007October 2007December 2007January 2008September 2009January 2011


blog worthy

Bitch, please
Blue Arden
Born to Ride
Caffeine Rush
Car Driver
Reaching for Chocolate Stars and Sapphire Dreams
Click mo mukha mo!
Closet Introvert
Color in a Gray Cube
Confessions of a Coke Addict
Confessions of an OJT Killer
Creating Space 101
Din's World
Emerald Pastures
Hungry Alien
I came, I saw, I blogged
Intelektwal Interkors
Lavander Kitten
Lone Star Psychedelia
Mighty Girl
Modified Memories
Nocturnal Angel
Not Square
Of Life and Peanuts
One Seater Plane
Pile o'smeg
*Photo Seko
Pinay Hekmi
Purple Beanie
Purple Toes
Renaissance Girl
Rock the Boat
Sabitski Point
Stories Under the Sun
Sunny Side Up
Table for One
Ten Years Later
The Blurb
The Digital Pinoy
The Dork Side
The Ultimate BlogHopper
Tinggay Forever
Undiscussable Realms
Unica Hija
Warcar: no bumper
What a Pansy Fancies
White Sky Project
Wytch's Brew
*freshly added


Platform Wedge Sandals by Michael Kors
Semiprecious chain earrings by Cynthia Dugan

Semiprecious chain earrings by Cynthia Dugan
Thump by Oakley (mp3 player and shades in one!)
Thump by Oakley (mp3 player and shades in 1!)

quotable quote

"Love is not love, which alters when it alteration finds."
~William Shakespeare, Sonnet cxvi

in my book bag

I Know Why the Caged 

Bird Sings by Maya Angelou


blogsnob. show off your websites.
# FlipBlogs ?
Rice Bowl Journals
# Filipina O+ ?

Weblog Commenting by

original skins

title : w4rnawarni: (pink) bikini girl (Adfree) designed by w4rnawarni @ blogskins