::S p U n K y D a i S y::

Bunny @ Friday, March 31, 2006

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

"Moving On"
TOYA

Just getting used to waking up everyday
Not seeing your face
I just began to stop setting your place
And I stop longing for your warm embrace
And it was God that made me able
To finally sleep at night
Though you're not by my side
Finally I don't hardly cry
See right when I start letting go
Somebody wants to let me know
Can they take your place
No they can't fill your space
No

I tried to move on but you're not gone
Cuz in my heart you still live on
See now I know why
I'll never love another for the rest of my life
And why
Now that you're gone I'm holdin' on
And deep in my heart
I wanna move on
And now I know why
I'll never love another for the rest of my life

I finally put your clothes away
You know the ones you wore the day
That you were taken away from me
I just began to stop wearing my ring
And I finally stop playin' our song
Whe I realized I was dancin' alone and
Finally God gave me strength
To go on and breath again
See right when I start letting go
Somebody wants to let me know
Can they take your place
No they can't fill your space
No

Now that you're gone I'm holdin' on
And deep in my heart
I wanna move on
And now I know why
I'll never love another for the rest of my life

God knows it's time for me to move on
I want to feel alive again
I want to be in love again
And no matter how hard I try
I can't erase you from my mind
And I gotta find somebody new
But I just can't get over you

Bunny @ Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Monday, March 27, 2006

A few nights ago, for lack of anything better to do, I took out our DVD of "Before Sunset" and watched it for the nth time.

The scene that always brings tears to my eyes is the one where they're on the ferry and Celine says that she never really gets over anyone because each person is made up of beautiful, specific details. And she ends up missing those things about each person.

But a few nights ago, I ended up sobbing in a totally different scene. Because the words just got to me. Because everything that Celine said hit a spot. Because what she said was exactly how I was feeling and more.

"For me it's better I don't romanticize things as much anymore. I was suffering so much all the time.

I still have lots of dreams, but they're not in regard to my love life.

It doesn't make me sad, it's just the way it is.

It's not so easy for me to be a romantic. You start off that way, and, after you've been screwed over a few times...You... you forget about all your delusional ideas, and you just take what comes into your life.

It reminded me how... genuinely romantic I was, how I had so much hope in things and now it's like...I don't believe in anything that relates to love, I don't feel things for people anymore.

In a way...I put all my romanticism into that one night and I was never able to feel all this again.

Like...somehow this night took things away from me and...I expressed them to you and you took them with you!

It made me feel cold, like if love wasn't for me!

Reality and love are almost contradictory for me.

...I always act as...Like...you know, I'm detached, but I'm dying inside.

I'm dying because I'm so numb,I don't feel pain, or excitement...I'm not even bitter..."

I think that's what happened. Jason brought my ability to fall inlove with him. He also took what very little was left of my optimism.

And if I never fall for anyone again or if I never love the way I love Jay, then that's okay. I could never regret giving him all that I could because he was worth it and he deserved it.

Everyday, I pray that God would give me a second chance at experiencing that kind of happiness and love and respect again.

I want me back.

I want my life back.

But then again, maybe Jason took mine with his.

I loved and lost and will never be found again...

Bunny @ Monday, March 27, 2006

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Well, I've obviously been neglecting this blog, this part of my life...among many other things.

I haven't been writing because I didn't want to remind myself of what I have been trying (unsuccessfully) to be oblivious to for the past months-- that I'm still inlove with Jason eventhough if he's in a place not even my dreams can take me.

It's been sad. I've been really sad.

While some might say that I haven't been trying hard enough to move on with my life, I digress.

Sobrang hirap lang talaga. I've been working twice as hard, fulfilling mg responsibilities at home, splurging on DVDs, books and magazines, etc. I've been keeping myself sooo preoccupied, hoping that thoughts of the person I still love yet lost won't creep in. But they do. They always always always do.

And it sucks when people tell me that life goes on, that I am such a strong girl and that they're sure I'll get over this very soon, even when this pain is tearing me apart from inside. To make it worse, I actually live up to their expectations, putting up a front that I'm okay. Because I don't like people worrying about me. I don't like being fussed over.

I was talking to my cousin Abbey about this yesterday and both being the eldest in the family, we agreed that being this way is normal for us. First-borns are used to being the carer, not the caree. But she said that being human, we also need to be smothered and worried about in one way or another. And we just have to find the right person to do it. Oh well...

On the bright side, there are still so many things to be thankful for...

The new love of my life, Gabe is turning 5-months old soon and he is now at that stage in a baby's life where he smiles and laughs all the time. I get such a kick out of hearing his little giggle and seeing his gums (he doesn't have teeth pa kasi). Also, he is learning to recognize people and so, my sisters and I want to be around him as often as possible.

Isn't he the cutest (and roundest)?

My fairy God uncle also sent me a really cool and helpful gadget which I've been so addicted to lately, because it's WIFI capable! I am so lovin'it!

The Dell Axim X50v

I joined the Accenture Outdoor Club on their All Women's Climb to Mt. Manabu in Sto. Tomas, Batangas last March 4-5. Though it was my 4th time to climb this mountain, I was a little worried about my depleting stamina (as proved during my climb in Mt. Daguldol 2 weeks prior). Surprisingly, I did pretty well during this climb. I didn't even feel tired! Yay for me! This climb was also different among the 3 I had because we took a different trail going up. We were supposed to take the normal route going down the next day but because the head of the pack wasn't really looking (guess who the head was? HAHAHA!), we ended up in a totally different trail, which was fortunately, in my opinion, more fun (because it had ropes, so it felt like we were rapelling) and shorter than the trail we were originally supposed to take. Hehehe!

Oh, I almost forgot to mention that 2 people from the outdoor club recognized me from this blog. One came up to me and said, "Tiba may blog ka? Oo! Ikaw yun!" while we were buying packed lunch at Jollibee. Being the shy girl who only knew 2 people among the 30+ participants, all I was able to muster was a smile and a nod. The second one happened while we were at the campsite, chit-chatting. I was going to take this guy's picture because he was goofing around and he suddenly said, "Hey, baka ilagay mo yan sa blog mo ha?" (There were 4 guys with us, just in case something happened and they were suddenly needed).

I think it's pretty cool!

I am joining another all women's climb with women from different mountaineering groups on April 1 and 2 at Capones Island in Zambales (I've always wanted to go here). But the group has already agreed that there will be no climb--just beachineering! Woohoo!

Then in May, I am taking a 5-day leave from work because I'm going to Hongkong with my sister, her husband, her in-laws and Gabe! Disneyland and shopping, here I come!

And my friends haven't started planning a summer trip yet! Should be an interesting summer, don't you think?

I got a call from my mom an hour ago who commented on the pictures we recently sent her. She said that Gabe is getting cuter and have I been to the doctor?

HUWAAAATT?!?!, I said.

"You are so thin! Para kang kalansay! Are you sick? You should get yourself checked. When I saw how thin you are in the pictures, I got worried because you might be sick!"

"Ma, ang weird mo talaga. When I'm fat, you tell me to go on a diet, when I actually lose weight, you tell me to gain it back."

"Well, you're really thin! You know, you have to take care of yourself.."

Yada yada yada. Mothers! Who gets them?

So there, that's what's been going on with me.

I'm fine.

Right.

How blue can I get?
You could ask my heart
But like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart
Billion words couldn't say just how I feel
A million years from now you know I'll be loving you still

The nights are so lonely the days are so sad and
I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me
--Nobody knows it but me, Babyface

Bunny @ Thursday, March 16, 2006