::S p U n K y D a i S y::

Bunny @ Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Last night, I dreamt that I was at work and our President's driver came to me and handed me a white envelope. My whole name was written in front.

Curiously, I opened it and there was small sheet of paper. The letter said:

Dear Johanne (that's part of my real name),

I'm sorry I died. I love you.

Jason

I woke up, checked the time (2:15 a.m.), and looked around the room. It was then that I remembered how Jason loved calling me by my real name and how much I disliked it. Before deciding to go back to sleep, I whispered 'I love you too, Jay' and dozed off.

I don't know how or when I'll get over his demise. I still see and feel him in a lot of things. My current favorite song is The Calling's "Wherever you will go". Whenever I hear it, I feel like Jason was singing the song for me.

On to other things...

I have a couple of friends who "came out" to me and told me they were bisexual and I'm really happy for them. At least they don't limit themselves to the possibility of finding love in the same sex. I mean, isn't that admirable?

My sister had her civil wedding 2 weeks ago and her church wedding is coming up in June. And as her maid of honor, I have to throw her a bridal shower and she already said she wants her bridal shower to be "posh". Hahahaha! Posh my foot! Bahala na. On top of that, she wants me to host her wedding reception as well. And I have to prepare a speech pa. Huhuhuhu!

My nephew, Gabe is cuter and bigger than ever. You can actually talk to him now though I'd wish you luck in trying to decipher what he's saying.

I went climbing in Mt. Daguldol in San Juan, Batangas. The climb was not that difficult but it exhausted me so much because I am sooo out of shape. Eversince I got the car, I haven't been walking anymore and its been a long time since I last went jogging. I really have to start training myself again if I still want to climb. The best part of the climb was getting to hang out at the beach after. I'll post pictures soon!

Okay, I have to get back to work before my list of things to do gets longer.

And can I just say that my co-worker's wife makes such good yema?! I've been binging on it the entire morning. My gay colleague, Roy, has been reminding me about how much calories these babies have. Hah! Screw the calories! They're yummmyy!!!

Bunny @ Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

YOU MAKE ME BETTER
Bo Bice

Lately, I've been so far gone
Pretending I don't know where I went wrong
I've been lying to myself in the arms of someone else
Without you I just can't fake it ..tonight
Here I am, so please don't tell me it's the ending

You're all I ever wanted from the beginning
I know I let you down, I'll live with that forever,
I want to scream out loud
That you're the only one that makes me better

Baby, I could barely talk to you
You got me, don't know how I made it through
Still you came with me that night, you will remember that alright
I can't believe that we could lose this tonight

I'm begging you now please don't tell me it's the ending
You're all I ever wanted from the beginning
I know I let you down, I'll live with that forever,
I want to scream out loud
That you're the only one that makes me better

Yeaa...this time I'm gonna make you right..
Oh, just take me home with you tonight

Please don't tell me it's the ending ,
You're all I ever wanted from the beginning
I know I let you down, I'll live with that forever,
I want to scream out loud
Cause you're the only one that makes me better

Bunny @ Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Monday, February 06, 2006

The past month has been so unexpectedly hard.

Getting over Jay is hard. And I don't know what else to do, except cry it all out. It feels like its never going to end.

I know this sounds exaggerated but I feel like now that I've lost the best thing in my life, the person I wanted to be with forever--nothing better awaits me so I might as well just mess it all up.

What surprises me is I haven't really done anything I would have normally done, like get drunk. In fact, I haven't had any alcohol for the past month. And the last time I drank, I had red wine while having conversation with an old friend at home. I haven't been going out too and if I do, I just hang out at friend's homes. But gimmicks? Nah.

What scares me is I'm actually content with this kind of life. Going to work, running errands and going home, reading a book until I fall asleep. My own boss has asked me if she could set me up. I declined and said that I'm not ready to go out. The president called me to his office last week and commended me on my performance at work and before the end of this month, I am turning over most of my duties as head of Customer service to one of the people on my team because big boss now wants me to be in Operations. I guess you can call it a promotion of some sort. Whatever.

I guess using work as a diversion to cover-up my sadness has paid off.

I am still so inlove with Jason. And I worry that I will never get rid of these feelings. People keep saying that someone else, someone better will come along. And they're most probably right. Someone out there will probably love me the way Jason did. But I don't think I can ever love anyone that much again. It's like a big part of my heart belongs to Jay now and the next person who comes along will just have to be satisfied with what very very little is left of it. And who would accept leftovers? No one. Which brings me to the very likely prospect of spending my life alone.

I think what pains me the most is that God never gave me the chance to find out how things would work out between me and Jason. Couples who break up should consider themselves darn lucky because at least they know how their story ends. Then, they move on. While I have to live with this neverending yearning for what might have been.

I haven't really blogged about anything substantial in awhile, because I figured it would be better to keep these things to myself. I guess, in a way, I want people to think I'm holding up just fine.

Even if, I am breaking apart by the loss of someone I truly love.

His sister told me that the night after the funeral, she dreamt that Jason was at their house and that he said, "I'm leaving the house, I'm just going to pick up Bunny".

I have wished countless of times that he would.

I've lost my personal reason for existing. Everything I do now is a mere responsibility.

It really hurts.

"I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
'Till the landslide brought me down
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life
I don't know
Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you"--Landslide, Fleetwood Mac

Bunny @ Monday, February 06, 2006

Thursday, February 02, 2006

A PICTURE TAKEN FROM OUR VET'S CLINIC

Look at the bottom of the bottle. What are the shapes that dogs love to eat?

Hahahaha!!!

Bunny @ Thursday, February 02, 2006