links open windows
::S p U n K y D a i S y:: hit tracker

Monday, January 09, 2006

I miss Jay.

But I feel better now. I actually don't cry as much but I still think about him all the time.

I'm trying to be happy. Because he told me before that if anything should happen, he would want me to move on but to never forget about him. So, I'm trying. Real hard.

Even praying has been difficult because I cannot help but question God as to why He took Jay away from me hours before he was meeting me. I cannot help but question as to why he would take away the only person who kept me going. I cannot help but keep on asking why he would take away the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, the person I waited so long for, the man who brought out the best in me.

Sometimes, I cannot help but wish that Jay took me with him. I don't know what I'm still doing here.

I know God has a plan for all of us, but jeez, what kind of plan does He have for me? I lost my dad, then He brought me this wonderful, amazing guy who I just fell completely inlove with and hours before we were going to be together, He takes him away. Does He want me to be happy or not? Should I take this as a sign that His plan is for me to be alone forever, and that I should start getting used to it?

I'd be a hypocrite if I said I wasn't a little mad at God. I'm sure there's a pretty good reason behind this but I just cannot find it in my heart to accept anything right now.

Jason meant everything to me. And I miss him. I miss how we told each other stories about what happened during our day. I miss hearing him laugh and hearing him tell me how much he loves me. I miss our petty arguments. I miss ticking him off when I have PMS. I miss his little surprises. I miss the way he loves me. And gawd, I'm just...still so inlove with him, it breaks my heart whenever I remind myself that he's gone forever. Those last words deeply hurt.

I miss you, Jay.

"here is the deepest secret nobody knows
here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart
i carry it in my heart"
-- E.E. Cummings

about moi

Loves the beach, wishes she had more time and money to travel, recently got hooked to climbing mountains, reads anything she can get her hands on, frustrated writer, adores her 3-year-old Lhasa Apso, Tashi, constantly needs caffeine, wonders when she'll quit smoking, and will most likely die due to liver complications from drinking too much (if the cigarettes doesn't get to her lungs first). Can't live without accessories especially big, dangling earrings, shoe freak (aren't we all?), sucker for discovering hole-in-the-wall restaurants, will ingest anything spicy, enjoys giving and receiving massages, addicted to Friends, Sex and the City and CSI, goes gaga over kids, dreams of being alone with Jim Morrison and smoking a joint with Bob Marley. Would love to party with Gwen Stefani, shop with Patricia Field, write poetry with Maya Angelou and have Sting, Nelson Mandela, Mark Twain and Bono over for dinner.

View my complete profile
Custom Search

past bitchings

January 2002February 2002March 2002April 2002May 2002June 2002July 2002August 2002September 2002October 2002November 2002December 2002January 2003April 2003May 2003June 2003July 2003September 2003February 2004March 2004April 2004May 2004June 2004July 2004August 2004September 2004October 2004November 2004December 2004January 2005February 2005March 2005April 2005May 2005June 2005July 2005August 2005September 2005October 2005November 2005December 2005January 2006February 2006March 2006April 2006October 2006November 2006February 2007March 2007April 2007May 2007July 2007October 2007December 2007January 2008September 2009January 2011


blog worthy

Bitch, please
Blue Arden
Born to Ride
Caffeine Rush
Car Driver
Reaching for Chocolate Stars and Sapphire Dreams
Click mo mukha mo!
Closet Introvert
Color in a Gray Cube
Confessions of a Coke Addict
Confessions of an OJT Killer
Creating Space 101
Din's World
Emerald Pastures
Hungry Alien
I came, I saw, I blogged
Intelektwal Interkors
Lavander Kitten
Lone Star Psychedelia
Mighty Girl
Modified Memories
Nocturnal Angel
Not Square
Of Life and Peanuts
One Seater Plane
Pile o'smeg
*Photo Seko
Pinay Hekmi
Purple Beanie
Purple Toes
Renaissance Girl
Rock the Boat
Sabitski Point
Stories Under the Sun
Sunny Side Up
Table for One
Ten Years Later
The Blurb
The Digital Pinoy
The Dork Side
The Ultimate BlogHopper
Tinggay Forever
Undiscussable Realms
Unica Hija
Warcar: no bumper
What a Pansy Fancies
White Sky Project
Wytch's Brew
*freshly added


Platform Wedge Sandals by Michael Kors
Semiprecious chain earrings by Cynthia Dugan

Semiprecious chain earrings by Cynthia Dugan
Thump by Oakley (mp3 player and shades in one!)
Thump by Oakley (mp3 player and shades in 1!)

quotable quote

"Love is not love, which alters when it alteration finds."
~William Shakespeare, Sonnet cxvi

in my book bag

I Know Why the Caged 

Bird Sings by Maya Angelou


blogsnob. show off your websites.
# FlipBlogs ?
Rice Bowl Journals
# Filipina O+ ?

Weblog Commenting by

original skins

title : w4rnawarni: (pink) bikini girl (Adfree) designed by w4rnawarni @ blogskins