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Monday, January 30, 2006

So I gave the career talk at my high school last week. It was fun and nerve-wracking all at the same time. But my sister said that I wasn't boring or baduy at all (and I know my sister, if I was a lousy speaker, she'd say so.).



Now , this is going to sound really shallow but it's funny.



So my sister, Sunshine was saying that out of 5 people, 2 people said that I looked better than her. Ergo, the majority thinks she's prettier. Upon hearing this, our other sister, Francine says,



"Clearly, they have not seen me yet."



Kapal, noh?



My nephew, Gabe is getting bigger and cuter by the minute. I so love this picture of us that was taken yesterday.



Bunny @ Monday, January 30, 2006
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Wednesday, January 18, 2006

ONLY ONE
Yellowcard



Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason



I feel so broken up
And I give up
Just want to tell you so you know



Here I go, scream my lungs out
And try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go but there's just no one
That gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one




Made my mistakes let you down
And I can't , I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone



Something's breaking up
I feel like giving up
I won't walk out until you know



Here I go scream my lungs out
And try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go there's just no one
That gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one



Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note
For you my only one
And I know
You can see right through me
So let me go
And you will find someone



Here I go scream my lungs out
And try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go but there's just no one
That gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Bunny @ Wednesday, January 18, 2006
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Friday, January 13, 2006

You know how when you're in your junior or senior year in highschool, they invite an alumni to talk about their career and what life is like after college?



Well well...a couple of days ago, I got an email from my highschool's guidance counselor (who was also my batchmate in highschool) asking me if I could give that kind of talk.



Seems exciting, right? But at the same time, I don't know what to say to those kids. I don't think of myself as someone accomplished or successful and I honestly don't know if I am credible enough to be imparting "words of advice" to teenagers who are about to enter the real world in a matter of years.



I would love to give the talk (my youngest sister will be part of the audience, haha!) but I'm a little scared. WHAT EXACTLY WILL I TELL THEM? And I'm also worried that they will end up not listening. I mean, come on, I was in highschool once and I know my friends and I engaged in chit chat during these kind of activities.



I haven't accepted the invitation yet because I'm still waiting for the guidance counselor's reply to some of the questions I asked her.



Do you think I should do it?



I can't help but wish Jason was here to share this with me because I know we would both have a good, long laugh about it. And if I do decide to talk in front of those juniors and seniors, I would give anything to have Jason there, watching me and laughing at me.

Bunny @ Friday, January 13, 2006
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Monday, January 09, 2006

I miss Jay.



But I feel better now. I actually don't cry as much but I still think about him all the time.



I'm trying to be happy. Because he told me before that if anything should happen, he would want me to move on but to never forget about him. So, I'm trying. Real hard.



Even praying has been difficult because I cannot help but question God as to why He took Jay away from me hours before he was meeting me. I cannot help but question as to why he would take away the only person who kept me going. I cannot help but keep on asking why he would take away the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, the person I waited so long for, the man who brought out the best in me.



Sometimes, I cannot help but wish that Jay took me with him. I don't know what I'm still doing here.



I know God has a plan for all of us, but jeez, what kind of plan does He have for me? I lost my dad, then He brought me this wonderful, amazing guy who I just fell completely inlove with and hours before we were going to be together, He takes him away. Does He want me to be happy or not? Should I take this as a sign that His plan is for me to be alone forever, and that I should start getting used to it?



I'd be a hypocrite if I said I wasn't a little mad at God. I'm sure there's a pretty good reason behind this but I just cannot find it in my heart to accept anything right now.



Jason meant everything to me. And I miss him. I miss how we told each other stories about what happened during our day. I miss hearing him laugh and hearing him tell me how much he loves me. I miss our petty arguments. I miss ticking him off when I have PMS. I miss his little surprises. I miss the way he loves me. And gawd, I'm just...still so inlove with him, it breaks my heart whenever I remind myself that he's gone forever. Those last words deeply hurt.



I miss you, Jay.



"here is the deepest secret nobody knows
here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart
i carry it in my heart"
-- E.E. Cummings

Bunny @ Monday, January 09, 2006
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Thursday, January 05, 2006

" 'You'll get over it...' It's the clich├ęs that cause the trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life for ever. You don't get over it because 'it' is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes. How could it? The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made anodyne by death. This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no-one elese can fit. Why would I want them to?"



I still can't believe he's gone.

Bunny @ Thursday, January 05, 2006
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Sunday, January 01, 2006

Jason (9/12/2005 11:20:23 PM): You want to know something weird.
Bunny (9/12/2005 11:20:29 PM): what?
Jason (9/12/2005 11:20:55 PM): When I laid in the hospital...I kept wondering why I was still alive
Bunny (9/12/2005 11:21:30 PM): well, just means you still have things to do...its not your time...
Jason (9/12/2005 11:21:37 PM): And then I realized maybe its because I'm just getting to know and be with you....



It's too painful. And I don't know how to deal with it anymore.

about moi


Loves the beach, wishes she had more time and money to travel, recently got hooked to climbing mountains, reads anything she can get her hands on, frustrated writer, adores her 3-year-old Lhasa Apso, Tashi, constantly needs caffeine, wonders when she'll quit smoking, and will most likely die due to liver complications from drinking too much (if the cigarettes doesn't get to her lungs first). Can't live without accessories especially big, dangling earrings, shoe freak (aren't we all?), sucker for discovering hole-in-the-wall restaurants, will ingest anything spicy, enjoys giving and receiving massages, addicted to Friends, Sex and the City and CSI, goes gaga over kids, dreams of being alone with Jim Morrison and smoking a joint with Bob Marley. Would love to party with Gwen Stefani, shop with Patricia Field, write poetry with Maya Angelou and have Sting, Nelson Mandela, Mark Twain and Bono over for dinner.

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~William Shakespeare, Sonnet cxvi

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