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Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Gabe was baptized last Sunday and the reception was really nice with "its a boy!"
balloons all around. Tables were showered with chocolates, food was good, and everyone was in a very celebratory mood.

And that's what these parties should feel like. Family and friends abound. People you haven't heard from or seen in ages suddenly pop up and you hug and/or kiss and catch up on each other's lives and it suddenly feels like you've never lost touch at all.

It was okay, except that whenever people would come to me, they only had one question to ask, and it was ALWAYS the first question they would ask: When are you getting married?

My cordial self would force a smile and say, "I don't know. I'm in no rush". And then I'll flash a smile again and say nothing even when I have a million things to say about the matter. It's bad enough when you have a boyfriend, but it feels worse when everyone knows you have no one. I think I'm just being paranoid but when you're super single and people are asking you these questions, you can almost see worry and concern on their faces, if you look close enough. It's like they're asking theirselves what could possibly be wrong with you that none of your relationships ever work out. Again, maybe I'm just being paranoid.

It also doesn't help that upon seeing you carrying your 2-month-old nephew and 4-month-old cousin around, they'll say, "You should have one of your own!" and again, you manage a smile and say nothing. My mom's husband even commented that I looked good with a baby bag. Har har.

Last month, when I took my 7-year-old nephew (or is he 8, already?), Mikee to watch Harry Potter with me, he asks,

Mikee: Tita Bunny, how do you make babies?
Me: *stunned* Uhmm..have you ever tried asking your mom that question?
Mikee: Yup!
Me: Well, what did she say?
Mikee: She said that the doctor gets something from the man's body and puts it in a test tube and they put the test tube inside the mommy and there's a machine that makes the baby. (I spoke to his mom later on about this, and she said that she never said such thing and that Mikee was probably just making it up)
Me: Mikee. Babies aren't made that way.
Mikee: So, how?
Me: Well...they're made out of love. When a man and a woman love each other, they get married and because they love each other so much, they make babies. The baby is a product of their love. (Cheesy, I know! But what was I supposed to say? The kid caught me off guard.)
Mikee: Yech! I like the machine story more.

I'm turning 27 in a few months and there is no denying that the clock is ticking. I mean, even my own mother thinks I should settle down soon. Or maybe this is just something every single woman at this age is going through. I don't know, I've always imagined that I would be married by 25. I was talking to my slightly commitment-phobic cousin, Abbey over at YM yesterday and like me, she's single but at least she's dating. But anyway, we were talking about this guy who I seriously thought she would end up with and she said she used to feel that way too but that life is funny because sometimes, the things you plan your life around don't happen and the things you never thought possible happens. She also said the nicest thing--

"One lesson I've learned is that God always gives us what we want and need. Its just that sometimes, we refuse to accept it because the packaging is different from what we pictured."

And that is sooo true in so many different ways.

But it doesn't make me stop wishing that I had a better reply to, "When are you getting married?"

It's not that I already want to but the truth is, it's soooo far away, I can't even see the slightest glimmer of it happening. I am not in a rush because I have absolutely no reason to. No boyfriend, no date, nada. I'm back to square one. And this is a place I never thought I'd be back in--because I really thought Jay was The One. And I think a part of me still believes in that.

It also doesn't help that I often think about how great he and I were together. I miss the conversations. I love how challenges me and yet, I find so much comfort in him.

Oh crap. Okay, enough moping. Back to work.

I just realized that this entry didn't really make much sense. I wrote it with a point in mind and I just completely lost it somewhere, but who cares. Baaahhh!

about moi

Loves the beach, wishes she had more time and money to travel, recently got hooked to climbing mountains, reads anything she can get her hands on, frustrated writer, adores her 3-year-old Lhasa Apso, Tashi, constantly needs caffeine, wonders when she'll quit smoking, and will most likely die due to liver complications from drinking too much (if the cigarettes doesn't get to her lungs first). Can't live without accessories especially big, dangling earrings, shoe freak (aren't we all?), sucker for discovering hole-in-the-wall restaurants, will ingest anything spicy, enjoys giving and receiving massages, addicted to Friends, Sex and the City and CSI, goes gaga over kids, dreams of being alone with Jim Morrison and smoking a joint with Bob Marley. Would love to party with Gwen Stefani, shop with Patricia Field, write poetry with Maya Angelou and have Sting, Nelson Mandela, Mark Twain and Bono over for dinner.

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Platform Wedge Sandals by Michael Kors
Semiprecious chain earrings by Cynthia Dugan

Semiprecious chain earrings by Cynthia Dugan
Thump by Oakley (mp3 player and shades in one!)
Thump by Oakley (mp3 player and shades in 1!)

quotable quote

"Love is not love, which alters when it alteration finds."
~William Shakespeare, Sonnet cxvi

in my book bag

I Know Why the Caged 

Bird Sings by Maya Angelou


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