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Thursday, September 08, 2005

DAMN IF YOU DO, DAMN IF YOU DON'T



One of the biggest mistakes I've committed in my previous relationships was I wasn't always that honest but I wasn't a complete liar either. Sure, I told the truth but sometimes, I told half-truths. I spared a few details that I knew would upset my then significant other...things like, bumping into an ex or an ex getting in touch with me from out of the blue or receiving a love letter from someone, etc. I have a friend who saved her ex's name as a female name in her cell because her current bf would get mad if he found the name there. But she's not having an affair. She and her ex are just in good terms, that's all.



My reason for not telling was I didn't see the point of telling him then fighting over something that's really...well...nothing. It's not like I had done something crazy like make out with someone or went out on a date. No harm done.



But of course, eventually, I realized this was wrong. Because telling half-truths would give the impression that you're doing something wicked behind their back. They'd say, "if nothing was going on, or if you weren't doing anything crazy, why hide it from me?" and the simple answer of, "because I knew you'd get mad" would never be good enough.



So when Jay came into my life, I vowed to change all that. I was completely honest right from the very beginning. No holds barred. He'd ask questions about what had happened and then sometimes we'd both laugh the incident off. But last night, after telling him that I received cake from someone who likes me (and this guy knows about how much I love Jay), he got upset and just left.



I couldn't find anything wrong with being completely honest. I'd rather that he heard it from me, than from someone else. If he's threatened by this guy, I don't understand why he should be. I mean, sheesh, had I wanted to see someone else, I could have done so during the 2 months that I didn't hear from him. But I didn't. I waited, despite the many negativity that I received during that time. Because I have faith in what we have, because I trust him, because I love him. At the end of the day, even if he's still not physically with me, he's the only one I want and he's the only one I want to go on all my dates with. And no one and definitely not cake from someone will ever change that.



I still haven't heard from Jay. But I am hoping that he gets over this, that the next time I talk to him (hopefully, today), everything will be a okay.

about moi


Loves the beach, wishes she had more time and money to travel, recently got hooked to climbing mountains, reads anything she can get her hands on, frustrated writer, adores her 3-year-old Lhasa Apso, Tashi, constantly needs caffeine, wonders when she'll quit smoking, and will most likely die due to liver complications from drinking too much (if the cigarettes doesn't get to her lungs first). Can't live without accessories especially big, dangling earrings, shoe freak (aren't we all?), sucker for discovering hole-in-the-wall restaurants, will ingest anything spicy, enjoys giving and receiving massages, addicted to Friends, Sex and the City and CSI, goes gaga over kids, dreams of being alone with Jim Morrison and smoking a joint with Bob Marley. Would love to party with Gwen Stefani, shop with Patricia Field, write poetry with Maya Angelou and have Sting, Nelson Mandela, Mark Twain and Bono over for dinner.

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Platform Wedge Sandals by Michael Kors
Semiprecious chain earrings by Cynthia Dugan

Semiprecious chain earrings by Cynthia Dugan
Thump by Oakley (mp3 player and shades in one!)
Thump by Oakley (mp3 player and shades in 1!)

quotable quote

"Love is not love, which alters when it alteration finds."
~William Shakespeare, Sonnet cxvi

in my book bag

I Know Why the Caged 

Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

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