YODA: Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them, do not. Miss them, do not. Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed, that is.
ANAKIN: What must I do, Master Yoda?
YODA: Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.
I lost one of the people on my team yesterday. We had to let him go. And I wish I could say that our reasons were completely justifiable. But in a way, they were not. He didn't really do anything that violated company policies. He has never really done anything to piss me off. Sure, he's screwed up a couple of times but, don't we all? I mean, sure, he got the lowest mark in his evaluation but it wasn't that bad. (Or maybe I just really feel bad that we had to let him go)
I tried with all my best efforts to explain to him why management had to do this. I was nothing but honest and I spared him the horse crap. I tried to be numb by being oblivious to his tears and by stopping myself from crying as well. But to become this unfeeling, cold-hearted, I-am-just-doing-my-job-don't-take-it-personally person, I could not. Because he was not just a colleague, he was also my friend, a funny friend who made coming to work something to look forward to because he makes everyone laugh, someone who kept me awake when I had to work the night shift for one week. But this is work. And being his immediate supervisor, as much as I loathed doing it, it was my job. It was part of my job to let him go.
I told him that unlike me, he was young and that because this was just his first job, I was mighty sure better and higher-paying jobs will come for him. And that I would miss working with him. And that he better keep in touch. And that he better show up at our team's outing.
The team has been quiet today. Really unusual for my team. Jokes and funny comments are still being uttered once in awhile but you can feel that there is a bit of tension and edginess in the air. Because everyone knows its not over. Here's to a stressful week ahead. :(
And I really miss Jay. It's been 10 days since I last spoke to him because he is cooped up in a hospital bed recovering from a car accident. It's heartbreaking how a complete stranger who was recklessly driving one night can change people's lives and cause his fellow strangers so much agony. I really miss Jay's way of just calming me and making me feel at ease amidst the pandemonium that is my life. But more than anything, I just want him to get better and I cannot thank God enough for making him well.
Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose, Yoda says. And I agree. Because life is uncertain that way. At one point, although there is really no telling when or what form it may come, and no matter how difficult it may be, we all have to let go. Like my job, its part of the deal, part of the package. It will happen. And it wouldn't hurt to be prepared.
And besides, who wants to end up like Darth Vadar? Because of his crazy obsession to saving Padme's life, he turned to the dark side. And in the end, he still lost her.
May the force be with us all. Hehehe!
P.S. Uncle F, thanks for constantly making me feel better during the past week. Really, really appreciate it. (how much was your rate again? Hahaha!)
Bunny @ Thursday, May 26, 2005
Loves the beach, wishes she had more time and money to travel, recently got hooked to
climbing mountains, reads anything she can get her hands on, frustrated writer, adores her
3-year-old Lhasa Apso, Tashi,
constantly needs caffeine, wonders when she'll quit smoking, and will most
likely die due to liver complications from drinking too much (if the cigarettes
doesn't get to her lungs first). Can't live without accessories especially
big, dangling earrings, shoe freak (aren't we all?), sucker for discovering
hole-in-the-wall restaurants, will ingest anything spicy, enjoys giving and receiving
massages, addicted to Friends, Sex and the City and CSI, goes gaga over kids, dreams of
being alone with Jim Morrison and smoking a joint with Bob
Marley. Would love to party with Gwen Stefani, shop with Patricia Field, write poetry with
Maya Angelou and have Sting, Nelson Mandela, Mark Twain and Bono over for