YODA: Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them, do not. Miss them, do not. Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed, that is.
ANAKIN: What must I do, Master Yoda?
YODA: Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.
I lost one of the people on my team yesterday. We had to let him go. And I wish I could say that our reasons were completely justifiable. But in a way, they were not. He didn't really do anything that violated company policies. He has never really done anything to piss me off. Sure, he's screwed up a couple of times but, don't we all? I mean, sure, he got the lowest mark in his evaluation but it wasn't that bad. (Or maybe I just really feel bad that we had to let him go)
I tried with all my best efforts to explain to him why management had to do this. I was nothing but honest and I spared him the horse crap. I tried to be numb by being oblivious to his tears and by stopping myself from crying as well. But to become this unfeeling, cold-hearted, I-am-just-doing-my-job-don't-take-it-personally person, I could not. Because he was not just a colleague, he was also my friend, a funny friend who made coming to work something to look forward to because he makes everyone laugh, someone who kept me awake when I had to work the night shift for one week. But this is work. And being his immediate supervisor, as much as I loathed doing it, it was my job. It was part of my job to let him go.
I told him that unlike me, he was young and that because this was just his first job, I was mighty sure better and higher-paying jobs will come for him. And that I would miss working with him. And that he better keep in touch. And that he better show up at our team's outing.
The team has been quiet today. Really unusual for my team. Jokes and funny comments are still being uttered once in awhile but you can feel that there is a bit of tension and edginess in the air. Because everyone knows its not over. Here's to a stressful week ahead. :(
And I really miss Jay. It's been 10 days since I last spoke to him because he is cooped up in a hospital bed recovering from a car accident. It's heartbreaking how a complete stranger who was recklessly driving one night can change people's lives and cause his fellow strangers so much agony. I really miss Jay's way of just calming me and making me feel at ease amidst the pandemonium that is my life. But more than anything, I just want him to get better and I cannot thank God enough for making him well.
Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose, Yoda says. And I agree. Because life is uncertain that way. At one point, although there is really no telling when or what form it may come, and no matter how difficult it may be, we all have to let go. Like my job, its part of the deal, part of the package. It will happen. And it wouldn't hurt to be prepared.
1st time you tried smoking: 2nd year highschool, marlboro menthols.
1st alcoholic drink you had: oohhh...Asti Martini (or was it Spumante? Naahh, it was Asti Martini)...age 9, if I recall correctly.
1st time you entered a bar: 2nd year highschool...equinox. (Yuccckk, baduy!! *full of shame*)
1st award you received: I don't know...wonder if I got an award for being accelerated in Kinder?
1st hero: My Lolo Ben. I just loved him.
1st time you were sent to the principal: Was never really sent to the principal for violating school policies. I think that the very first time I was sent to the principal's office was during my entrance interview in Assumption for 1st Grade.
1st college entrance exam you took: La Salle ata.
1st teacher in college: Oh Gawdddd...whats her name. She was my Botany professor.
1st job: Flight attendant for a domestic airline
1st goal you achieved: I dunnooooo
1st crush: Mickey S. He lives on the street at the corner of my house. I remember riding the same school bus with him in grade school and a few times a week, he'd be in his soccer uniform..and maann, he was just so cute!
1st person na binigyan mo ng flowers? My first teacher..Sister Angelica. My first school was only a few blocks away from the house and everyday, while walking to school, I'd pick flowers for Sister Angelica. I know what you're thinking...kiss ass, huh? Hehehe!
1st date: Ack! Ewan!!!
1st friend: My next door neighbor, Albert (who goes by the name Stephen now)
1st kiss: like on the lips? It was a dare...his name was Robby and yes, I had a crush on him.
1st movie you watched with a friend: My memory isn't that good.
1st fight with a friend: The real serious one? When we were adolescents, my bestfriend, Bianca and I had a major crush on this guy, Mark. Eventually, I found out that Bianca calls Mark and pretends to be me and when Mark comes to the phone, she'd hang up. So to clear things up, I called his house and his mom answered and the mom told me to stop hanging up everytime Mark gets to the phone and I had to explain to her that the reason why I was calling was to make it clear that it wasn't me who made those calls and that it was Bianca. I refused to talk to Bianca for a looonngg time after that. We're still bestfriends now. :)
1st gift you received from a friend: Can't remember.
1st gift you gave to a friend: Can't remember this either
1st record you bought: Hehehe! The little mermaid soundtrack ata.
1st song you sang infront of many Hhahahaha! Never!!!
1st musical instrument you learned to Piano. My mom forced me to learn. I despised my teacher.
1st concert you watched: OMG!!! Introvoys. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAA!!!! And I remember drooling over Paco Arespaco-whats-his-face-chaga. Gaaaawwdd, I am sooo ashamed!!!
1st celebrity you saw in person: Syempre local. Kring kring gonzales with her sister (whats her name again?) and their mom while shopping in Greenhills. Kid pa talaga ako nito!!!
1st TV show you really liked: My mom said I loved Sesame Street as a kid. I still do love Sesame Street. But the show that I really absolutely loved as a kid was Small Wonder. Remember Vicky? the robot kid? I loveeeddd that show!!!
1st book you bought: Nancy Drew.
1st sport you played: Wasn't into any sport as a kid.
1st sleepover: My college bestfriend's house. Yes, college! My parents never allowed me to go to sleepovers (why would I sleep in other people's house when I had my own house naman daw. Boohoo!) and the only reason why I was allowed this time was because we were working on our thesis.
1st terrible fight: I'm sure it was with my sister, Marby.
1st prank: Not very fond of pranks.
1st inaanak: son of my dad's secretary.
1st time you spent the night alone: A lot of times, when I was still renting.
1st bestfriend: Johanna. We met in 1st grade. Don't know where she is now.
1st wedding you attended: My Tita Ninang's...I was this chubby flower girl.
1st person who greeted you on your last birthday Jaaaaayy!! (miss you, Sweetie!)
1st friend in friendster: Kookie!!!
1st time you got lost: dang! I dont know!
1st cellphone: Analog cellphone pa na microtac. the flip phone.
1st cellphone ringtone: ring ring? Hehehe! How do you expect me to remember?
1st collection: stamps. geeky, i know.
1st club you joined: Science Club, 2nd grade
1st time you felt proud of yourself: getting accelerated!
1st time you saw a ghost: in Baguio, a very very long time ago.
1st rollercoaster ride: Believe it or not, Enchanted Kingdom. And I only did it because my friends forced me to. I used to be scared of rollercoasters but not anymoorree!!!
1st school you attended: Sacred Heart School
1st friend you had when you entered college: Joanna P.
1st ambition: to become a nun. SERIOUSLY. Hehehehe!
Bunny @ Tuesday, May 24, 2005
GOOD (LIP) SERVICE
I had a I-wanna-pull-on-my-hair-and-scream day at work yesterday. I was feeling so low and I just wanted to get home as fast as I could so instead of commuting, I decided to hail a cab.
10 minutes into the ride and the driver, who looked like he was in his 50s, said:
Driver: Madami na talagang magandang babae ngayon. Nung panahon ko, konti lang sila. Kung bata-bata pa rin lang sana ako... Me: *fake smile* (oh great, this is just what I need after a toxic day at work) Driver: Tulad mo. Dumaan ka lang, napapalingon mga lalake. Hindi pwedeng hindi tumingin sayo. Me: *fake smile* (Bakit kaya sila mapapalingon? Kasi sasabihin nila, "OMG! Ang laki ng babae o!!!) Driver: Ilang taon ka na ba, iha? Me: Matanda na po ako. 26 na po. Driver: Naku, bata ka pa. Hindi ka pa matanda kasi nasa calendaryo ka pa. Ako, wala na sa calendaryo pero nasa Bingo pa. Pero dapat mag-asawa ka na. Dapat pagdating mo ng 30, may anak ka na. Me: *sarcastic smile* (Bwiset na to, eh di parang sinabi mo na rin na matanda na ako!) Driver: Siguro naman sa ganda mong yan may boyfriend ka na? Me: (bolero!) Meron po. Driver: Aba! Hindi ba siya natatakot? Buti natitiis niya? Me: Huh? Bakit po siya matatakot? Natitiis? Driver: Eh sa ganda at sexy mong yan, dapat hindi ka na pinapakawalan. Nakakatakot maagawan. Buti natitiis niya na hindi ka pakasalan. Me: Ah. Hehehe. Si Manong talaga, marunong pa rin mambola. Driver: Hindi ako marunong mambola. Me: *smile* (yeah riggghhttt!!!)
I gave him a hefty tip. Who cares about having empty pockets when your ego and self esteem has been pumped, puffed and overblown, just when you needed it most? Heheheh!
I'm still dealing with work issues and I have a million things to worry about. I still want to pull on my hair and scream until my vocal chords tire out. I have this relentless craving to leave town and go on a real vacation and splurge! But my head is saying, "you need to save, you need to save". So right now, I'm telling myself to HOLD THAT THOUGHT.
Bunny @ Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Saturday, May 21, 2005
I can breathe normally again.
I can smile.
I can sleep.
I can stop crying.
The worst week of my year is finally over.
Last night, I found out that God still listens to me. (Thank You!!! And to everyone else who prayed for Jay...my utmost gratitude!!!)
And here I was, convinced that this weekend would suck.
It's not exactly HAPPY HAPPY but it's not that bad. Not as bad as I thought it would be.
Hope everyone's weekend is a blast!
Bunny @ Saturday, May 21, 2005
Thursday, May 19, 2005
I told Jay a couple of weeks ago how perfect I think he is. And this was what he had to say,
"Babe, I'm not perfect. If I was, I'd be there."
Me too. Gaaawwdd, me too.
Bunny @ Thursday, May 19, 2005
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
A DARK CLOUD
The weather seems in tune with my life. After how many months of giving us nothing but sunshine-y days, it rained really, really hard tonight.
Rained on my life, it did. With dark nimbus clouds, lightning, thunder and all. And all I want to do is stay in until the sun shines again.
I had a pretty exhausting day so I hit the sack as soon as I got back home at around 8pm. A couple of hours later, my sister woke me up to tell me that she finally has an answer to the question that's been bugging me since Monday night. And the answers were not good. I've always been one to expect the worst and this one did not even cross my mind. It's. That. Bad. After she told me, I had to ask her if she was just joking. "No, I'm not", she said.
Rushed downstairs and passed by my sister, Francine, who said,
"Achi, I have something to tell you..."
"I already know. Marby told me.", I replied.
"Are you okay?", she asked.
"Where's the laptop? I need the laptop.", was the only thing I could muster to say.
Of course I'm not okay. I'm soooo not okay that I can't even bring myself to saying it without tears coming out of my eyes. It sucks to be on this side of the world right now.
God, please. ALL I ask is that you take care of the people I love. Please.
I would give 10 years of my life (maybe even more) to be in San Francisco right now.
On the brighter side (I'm trying to be optimistic right now, to think of better things...but its sooo not working), I got my new digicam today.
This is me testing out the multi-shot 16 feature this morning. Pretty cool, huh? Well, maybe the reason why I was in such a smiley mood today is because I won't be smiling for the next few days...or maybe even weeks. Depends.
Bunny @ Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Saturday, May 14, 2005
I was brought up to be a devout Catholic. So devout that I looked up to my pre-school teachers who were nuns and while other kids wanted to be doctors and lawyers when they grew up, I, on the other hand, seriously wanted to be a nun. Apart from hearing mass on Sundays and during holy days of obligation, my mom also made sure I joined every single religious organization in our Parish--most of which, I actually enjoyed. My Lola and I would go to church every first Wednesday to pray the Novena to our Lady of Perpetual Help. Papa, believe it or not, was the one who taught me how to read the Bible and the importance of doing it. He was even the one who gave me my first Bible, a King James version (he's a Protestant) with really nice quotes printed in red. I remember spending my weekend afternoons in the sala, reading that Bible, even when I didnt quite understand some of the stuff I had read.
So why was I groaning to myself when we were all asked to attend this "healing session" in the office last Wednesday? Truth is, I had better and more important things to do like my reports and the CS manual management asked me to work on. I was totally skeptical about attending this thing but I went against my will (Boss' orders).
I believe that through prayers, one's faith can heal but I don't believe in faith healers.
Apparently, the President's wife had invited someone from the Devotion of the Divine Mercy (3 o'clock habit) to have this "healing session" in the office. Why? Beats me.
So there was this woman, the "healer", lets call her. She introduces herself and she talks about how God had called her to remind us of our faith. She said something about being under God's wings and she took that as taking a plane to Manila (airplane and wings--get it? Hehe! I swear, thats what she said! Weird noh?) and leaving her job at an insurance company to relay God's message for us. She rambled on about organizations she belonged to and what more she had to give up just to do what she is doing now("Ano ito? Resume niya? To convince us that she is credible?", I was thinking to myself).
Later on, she was showing us this rectangular sticker. It had a white background and in red print, it said "Jesus, I trust in you". She reminded us of the story of the Passover (you know that story where the doors of the homes whose lives would be spared was marked with lamb's blood?) and said that if we had that sticker in the doors of our homes, we would be saved when the Angel of Death arrives. She said, and I swear, these were her very words--"This (holding the sticker up) is your passport to the Kingdom of God!" Eh?!?! Ano daaaww??? Right then and there, I wanted to stand up and say, "Oh? So even if I kill a hundred people, the Angel of Death will spare my life for as long as my home has that sticker?!?" It doesn't take a scientist to know that that was horse crap. We all know that come judgement day, we don't need some sticker (and may I add that the sticker could use some creativity. Its not even a nice-looking sticker!) or anything tangible to save us. We all know that we will be judged for the persons that we are inside.
Now, even when I was totally doubting this healer, when it was time to say prayers, I solmenly prayed. And when she started singing religious songs, I sang with her. (Akalain mo yun, I still know the songs even when I haven't heard and sang them in a long time) My mom always made sure I sing when we hear mass. She said that singing is like praying twice as much. So sometimes, whenever I pray before going to sleep, I sing (of course, I make sure I'm alone. Hehe!).
"Healing time" came. She told us to close our eyes and offer to the Lord whatever it was that we wanted healed. Hmmm, let's see...
Lord, heal me from not being able to forgive myself for not being able to be there for Papa as much as I could have. For not being able to spend as much time with him before he passed away.
Please make my Lolo Samuel better. I don't know what he has but he seems sick because I see him taking medicines. And I hope Jay doesn't have the flu anymore when he wakes up in the morning.
(OMG! I just realized this this very minute, as in this very moment, that God did answer this prayer because Jay felt 100% better Wednesday morning his time. And when I got home that day, I found my Lolo Samuel smiling and singing "Only You". Cute!)
Please always keep my family together. And please make everyone I love healthy and happy. Amen.
A few minutes after that little prayer, the healer tapped me on my shoulder and asked me to sit on the chair in front of her. She held a rosary and with her hand, she pressed the rosary (a plastic one) over my head, my heart, my knees and my legs. Wanna know something weird? We were in a cold room but that rosary felt very warm. Unusually warm. After that, I knelt down the altar and prayed more.
I am not devout. At least not in the way that my Mom hoped I would be. But even if I don't hear mass regulary, even when I am no longer active in any religious organization, even when I no longer lead prayer meetings, even when I haven't read the Bible in awhile, I know my faith. And while I am everything BUT holy and immaculate, I value my values and try my best to stay good. Come judgement day, I think thats all that matters.
You know what's ironic? 2 days after that "healing session", I got sick. Hehehe! I've got sore throat, cough, a headache that won't go away and body pains right now. Can someone say, Flu? huhuhu! Maybe this is God's way of reminding me to never forget to pray. :)
Have a cool weekend!!! (Sana talaga cool...kasi ang init init!!!)
Bunny @ Saturday, May 14, 2005
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
I had a pretty terrific weekend. Like I predicted, it was indeed, bursting with soooo much love and happiness and everything good in between!!!
It took off with me being a Godmother to uber gorgeous Godson, Hayden (will post the pictures once I get them). And I cannot be happier for my friend Caren who found a great husband and father in Dennis. It's really amazing how people can change. Here was a woman who used to be able to drink more than I can and who used to party like there was no more tomorrow. She was always a boy-magnet. Suddenly, she was not the same girl I partied with in Boracay a couple of years back. I just think its amazing what marriage and motherhood has done to her. You can actually see happiness, serenity and a little bit of exhaustion (hehe! From taking care of the baby) in her face. And her hubby, Dennis, without my friend having to say so, would take his hanky and wipe sweat off her face because my friend had her hands full from carrying their son. It was a sight that just made my heart melt faster than an ice cube would liquefy in the unbearable heat this country is experiencing right now. (grabe, ang init talaga, noh?)
Charo and Jovan's wedding is a different, albeit, equally beautiful story. Everything was perfect...just absolutely perfect. Everyone's spirits were high, every single person was smiling and laughing. But of course, Mads, Kookie and I cried while Charo was walking down the aisle (Mauna umiyak, magpapainom, my arse! Haha!). That has got to be the most fun wedding I've been to! It wasn't your typical, conventional wedding and it wasn't the kind where you were forced to act all formal and stuff. Everyone acted like they were on a Saturday night gimmick, except that we were all in formal wear.
To my super duper good friends , Charo and Jovan: I cannot even begin to stress how perfect I think you guys are for each other. Charo, you once told me that when you're in a GOOD relationship, you bring out the best in each other. And I sooo see that in the both of you. I hope to see some little Jovans (take note: PLURAL) in the years to come. I hope you're ready to go crazy, Chawing! Hahahaha! Anyway, when you do go crazy and anytime you need an extra hand, I'll be right here. *claps and chants*
Jay and I turned 3 months (feels longer, actually) last Sunday so...YAAAAY! Congratulations, Sweetie...for lasting this long! Think you can handle a few years more?Hahahahhaa!
Another big congratulations to my shobe, Sunshine who won the silver medal in her FIRST taekwondo competition last Sunday! (take note: FIRST) Yeaaahh, WE KICK BUTT!!! Woohoo! See! All those nights of unconsciously kicking us in your sleep paid off! Bwahahahaha! Proud of ya!
Now, this is a little off-topic but the day after Charo's wedding, I realized that I no longer have a dad who would give me away on mine. *sniff sniff* (IF I EVER DO GET MARRIED, that is.) And so I thought about who the next most influential man in my life is and only one person came to mind. So, this morning, I asked him if he'd give me away on my wedding day (by that time, he'll be walking with a cane and his head will be covered with white hair and I'd be near menopause. Haha!). He said he'd be honored to do it. Coolness!
Thanks, Old Timer...I mean, Coolest Uncle F! Hehehehe!
So, you see, even when the thought of North Korea testing their nukes scares the crap out of me (and the rest of the world) and makes me want to move to Mars, even when I've almost given up hope that the war in Iraq will ever stop and that we will never get world peace no matter how many times we wish for it, even when prices are constantly increasing and salaries are not--in the words of Hugh Grant in the film, "Love Actually", "I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around."
And yes, it is!!!
Have a love-filled week, everyone! :)
Bunny @ Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Friday, May 06, 2005
How will I manage?
7am- Sunshine's taekwondo competition in Rizal Memorial Stadium
9am- Hayden's christening (I'm Godmother) in Kamagong, Makati
1130am- Reception in Glorietta
1pm- Salon appointment for Charo and Jovan's wedding (Oh my gaaawwddd, this is it this is it! after a year and a half of preparing, ikakasal na kayoo!! excited ako! It seems like only a few months ago when Charo called me and screamed, "He proposed!!! I'm engaged!!!")
2pm- Be at Charo's hotel for some picture taking before we go to the Church.
3pm- Charo and Jovan's wedding *claps and chants* (Sorry, inside joke yung claps and chants. Only Charo, Jovan, Kookie and a couple of other people will get this)
And I still need to buy a gift for my about-to-be Godson, Hayden. Pwedeng bang my LOVE na lang gift ko? Hahaha! Kidding!
Seriously though, now that I think about it, it's going to be a wonderful weekend because it will be splattered with L-O-V-E! Yeah, love is all around! Love abounds! Happiness abounds!
Happy, Happy weekend, everyone!!!
Bunny @ Friday, May 06, 2005
In exactly one month and 12 days...
I will be with Jay.
Gaaawwwd, I can't wait. *kilig*
Bunny @ Friday, May 06, 2005
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SUNSHINE!!!
My prettiest sister who kicks ass in taekwondo! (good for today lang 'to. Tomorrow, ako na ulit prettiest! Kidding! hehehe!)
Sa kanya lang bagay yung shades. Haha! Cool picture, nonetheless.
Bunny @ Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
HIKING AND RIVER CROSSING AT DARAITAN, RIZAL
Going there was fun! I finally got to do something I've always wanted to do. It's called "top load". It basically involves a really cramped jeepney (and so you don't have a choice but to ride on the roof with about 16 other people)+ winding roads+ your typical crazy, Filipino driver. Hahahaha! I was holding on to a rope for dear life during the first 20mins (it was a 90min ride) but after that, I was like, "Look Ma, no hands!" Fun, fun, fun!
the start of the hike
Andale, andale!!! Me and my 20-peso sombrero
Yeah, i rode my bike! Kidding! That bike's not even mine...was just walking it for awhile. It belongs to my friend who rode his bike from the city to Daraitan.
Accomodations for the night...
What you'll see when you step out of the tent
Our very own, super private swimming pool. Had such a blast swimming here. The water gets really, really cold on the other side and it gets a little deep in the middle part. What fun, what fun!
The biggest tent I've ever seen. All 9 of us fit! We could probably fit about 3 or 4 more. Hehehe!
And I thought I couldn't get any darker. Burn, baaabbyyy, burn! huhuhu!
Bunny @ Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Loves the beach, wishes she had more time and money to travel, recently got hooked to
climbing mountains, reads anything she can get her hands on, frustrated writer, adores her
3-year-old Lhasa Apso, Tashi,
constantly needs caffeine, wonders when she'll quit smoking, and will most
likely die due to liver complications from drinking too much (if the cigarettes
doesn't get to her lungs first). Can't live without accessories especially
big, dangling earrings, shoe freak (aren't we all?), sucker for discovering
hole-in-the-wall restaurants, will ingest anything spicy, enjoys giving and receiving
massages, addicted to Friends, Sex and the City and CSI, goes gaga over kids, dreams of
being alone with Jim Morrison and smoking a joint with Bob
Marley. Would love to party with Gwen Stefani, shop with Patricia Field, write poetry with
Maya Angelou and have Sting, Nelson Mandela, Mark Twain and Bono over for