Thursday, March 31, 2005
Just like my new responsibilities at work, being in a long-distance relationship was harder than I thought. I think Jay and I are pretty much equipped with the tools in maintaining one (don't ya just love technology?):
Broadband access- check
Yahoo Messenger- check
Jay's Globe sim with International roaming- check
digital photos- check
webcam- I should have one in a few weeks
While Jay and I make use of all these things to compensate for not being physically together (yet), it still does not suffice. The 16-hour time difference is a major setback. Whenever I'm at home, he's at work and whenever he's at home, I'm at work and we all still need to sleep, right? So we both try to spend every waking minute keeping in touch, by whatever means possible.
In effect, I have turned into some sort of hermit. I haven't been going out on weekdays and weekends (gasp!). If you also noticed, I haven't been climbing as often as I used to. The last movie I saw in a theatre was "Kung Fu Hustle", which was shown ages ago. I've given myself a 10pm curfew so I can catch Jay online as soon as he wakes up. I haven't seen my friends in a long while (you guys will be amazed at how much weight I've put on. Charo says its because I'm happy and inlove--which is true). The closest thing I have to a "gimmick" now are my after-work trips to the Starbucks near my office, where the baristas, security guards and even janitor now know me by name and by drink. Thank God, I have wonderful, wonderful friends who understand the situation I am in (sa mga nagtatampo, wag na kayo magtampo).
Thing is, eversince I took over the CS department, work has been really hectic, giving me very little time to talk to Jay. I used to be able to get the work done while talking to him but lately, it is just not possible. And he's been really busy at work as well. The timing is just absolutely impeccable, I tell you.
I did not want to admit this but the stress from work and the erratic sleeping schedule may be taking its toll on my mood. I mean, when you spend an average of 40 hours a week listening to complaints of people from thousands of miles away, I guess you can't help but be pretty upset yourself. And to tell you the truth, when I get off work, the first thing I think of is Jay and how much I wish I was off to meet him somewhere so he can just hug me and make me feel better. But well, you guys know thats not the case.
In effect, I've been really cranky whenever I talk to Jay. THINK month-long PMS. Yeah, thaaaat baaaadd. It's like I threw my sense of humor out the window because I suddenly found myself taking everything so seriously, making mountains out of molehills. Things that didn't bother me before irk me more than ever now. And I really have to hand it to him, I've never been and seen anyone with as much patience as my guy. He put up with the bitchiness and the moods and not once did he ever blow his top off like I did. And what's even more is amazing is that he knew the right buttons to push to get me in a better mood.
But then of course, even the most patient, most understanding and most loving of people come to a point where they can say that they've had the last straw.
And that's pretty much what happened the other day. I went on a 24-hour i-will-find-something-wrong-with-everything-and-there's-nothing-you-can-say-or-do-to-make-it-better frenzy and he just had it. And for the first time ever, he actually got mad. Can't really blame him.
I talked to my uncle about it and what he said really struck me, "Take your work out on your work." That's a pretty valuable lesson I learned this week. And besides, I really don't want to lose sight of what really matters in my life: my family, my friends and Jay.
And so I made 2 promises to myself this week:
1. To never let my problems and pressures at work interfere with my personal life.
2. To not make the same mistake I made with my other relationships: letting my world revolve around them. I vowed to balance my time between my family, my friends and Jay. Just because Jay is 6800 miles away, doesn't mean that I have to act and make other people feel like I am too, right?
Of course, we've made up (I wish I could say that we kissed and made up but...).
And did I mention that I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have someone who loves me this much? We've been together for about 2 months now (seems like only yesterday...) and I fall inlove with him all over again every single day. I really cannot wait for us to be really together.
*sigh* Happiness still abounds!