I am still feeling overwhelmed by the changes that my life is going through this year. I've done things I never thought I would do, decided to try building my life somewhere else, gotten into something I have always been such a cynic about and now...this.
I am calling it quits. We're breaking up. I am finally leaving him. And I feel sad and happy at the same time. Like my other failed relationships, I believe that this is for the best.
I met him during my sophomore year in HS. Peer pressure, I believe, was what brought us together. I really didn't like him much. And so even when my HS friends thought he was cool to have around, I ignored him. Thought he was bad news.
College came and my love affair with coffee began. And so this guy and I got re-acquainted and surprise, surprise, I loved taking my coffee with him! I can't quite put my finger on it but he really became the best coffee buddy I have ever had. And he became more to me than just that. He was with me when I was studying for exams and during all those nights I slaved on my thesis. He was an all-around pal! Even goes with me to parties, bars and clubs and although a lot of people get annoyed by a mere whiff of his scent, a lot of people still loved him. It was either you love him or you don't. Well, I did. I could not live without this fella. Could not, would not and should not go through a single day without him. He was a necessity in my life. He relaxed and soothed me when I was tensed, nervous and petrified. He calms me. He was with me when I cried over my break-ups and mistakes. He was with me, in the best of times, and the worst. I have never been more attached.
I've never really counted how long he has been indispensable in my life but now that I think about it...woaaahh, 8 years of togetherness is a looong time. I'm practically married to this guy! Hahaha!
Today is our last day together. Tomorrow will be the beginning of a new era. I believe that I can go through this. Heck, I lasted 4 days last week without him, weekends included! Can you believe that?
It's time. Time to say goodbye. I still love him but I have to let go. Need to break free from this ball and chain. I have to fight the urge to be with him. I have to resist the temptation and the seduction of his white slender body. I know that I will miss how he tastes like, how he feels in my mouth (HAHAHAHAHA!), how it feels to hold him, how it feels to take him inside (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!), everyday and every night.
I am soooo going to miss you, Winston L. You will always be my ciggy, my yosi, my yogi, my smokey. But this...us...it's not working out anymore. I still have miles to run, laps to swim, mountains to climb, babies to bear, and maybe a few other things and you are getting in the way of all that. Because you take my breath away. And I can't, I just can't take that risk anymore. Your love can kill and at the rate that I was going with you, it looked like it was going to kill me soon.
And I'm sorry if I have to use this line on you--but baby, its not you, it's me.
Bunny @ Monday, February 07, 2005
Loves the beach, wishes she had more time and money to travel, recently got hooked to
climbing mountains, reads anything she can get her hands on, frustrated writer, adores her
3-year-old Lhasa Apso, Tashi,
constantly needs caffeine, wonders when she'll quit smoking, and will most
likely die due to liver complications from drinking too much (if the cigarettes
doesn't get to her lungs first). Can't live without accessories especially
big, dangling earrings, shoe freak (aren't we all?), sucker for discovering
hole-in-the-wall restaurants, will ingest anything spicy, enjoys giving and receiving
massages, addicted to Friends, Sex and the City and CSI, goes gaga over kids, dreams of
being alone with Jim Morrison and smoking a joint with Bob
Marley. Would love to party with Gwen Stefani, shop with Patricia Field, write poetry with
Maya Angelou and have Sting, Nelson Mandela, Mark Twain and Bono over for