Last year was such a bad year for relationships that I found myself being cynical about love or the mere possibility of ever finding someone who will make me happy. I saw men as scums of the earth, egotistic cowards who don't know what they want, hungry chauvinistic pigs who will always want their cake and eat it too.
2004 left me exhausted from crying over heartaches, from dating and liking men who wasted my time and toyed with my emotions. I welcomed 2005 vowing to never, ever allow a man to confuse me again.
So I started building these walls around me and I made darn sure they were almost indestructible and strong. I was the king and queen of my own kingdom, guard of my own gates, the general of my own army. I was not going to allow anyone to as much as, take a teeny peek into what was behind these great, majestic, impenetrable walls. When the truth is, inside is a girl secretly hoping that someone will be brave enough to use every artillery known to man to break the walls down. Inside, lay a girl, fervently praying that someone would have the heart to believe that something beautiful and very much worth it was lurking behind the cold, ugly, rock-hard walls. Go on, give it your best shot. I'd like to see you try.
Among all the changes that have happened from late 2004 (my dad's passing away, moving back home, wanting to move to the US), this is one that came very unexpectedly. Dare I say, that it seems like everything is falling right into place.
And slowly, ever so carefully, I can see. There is a someone, who is very gently, taking down the walls that I took so long to built. In tiny, baby steps, he is bringing them down, one by one, piece by piece. And surprisingly, the supposedly brave girl inside, can only sit back, stare and watch in awe...
She is smiling but at the same time, she is very scared...
And all this girl can muster to do, while watching in amazement as her walls are slowly being tore down, is cross her fingers, close her eyes, and hope against hope that he is worth it.
P.S. He sent me flowers AGAIN today.
I could get used to this, you know. Hahaha!
Bunny @ Tuesday, January 25, 2005
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about moi
Loves the beach, wishes she had more time and money to travel, recently got hooked to
climbing mountains, reads anything she can get her hands on, frustrated writer, adores her
3-year-old Lhasa Apso, Tashi,
constantly needs caffeine, wonders when she'll quit smoking, and will most
likely die due to liver complications from drinking too much (if the cigarettes
doesn't get to her lungs first). Can't live without accessories especially
big, dangling earrings, shoe freak (aren't we all?), sucker for discovering
hole-in-the-wall restaurants, will ingest anything spicy, enjoys giving and receiving
massages, addicted to Friends, Sex and the City and CSI, goes gaga over kids, dreams of
being alone with Jim Morrison and smoking a joint with Bob
Marley. Would love to party with Gwen Stefani, shop with Patricia Field, write poetry with
Maya Angelou and have Sting, Nelson Mandela, Mark Twain and Bono over for
dinner.
