Weeks ago, my friend, Carla told me that guys may feel intimidated by me as I am more independent compared to most women and sometimes, my personality comes off as strong and I seem to be unperturbable and together. I was taken aback by this and I retorted to telling her that if, I, indeed appear that way, what in heaven's name was so wrong with that? I always thought that being able to survive on your own by your own means, being brave and confident was a good thing. It's supposed to be a strength...something that people admire about you. It's supposed to attract people, not repel them. Besides, who wants to be with a needy chick? or guy, for that matter. Au contraire!
She then explained that sometimes, if you really like a guy, you need to pull the damsel in distress act. She should know, she's done it. And it works.
Woah-ho! Stop. There is no way on earth I am putting up a front that my life is a complete mess and that I need a man to sweep in and help me clean it all up.
She stresses that men have this desire to feel needed by women. Whether it be little things like asking him to help you do your groceries or needing a ride home in the middle of the night or asking him to check on your car or moving stuff. Whatever it is, he needs to know and feel that there is room for him in your life. That you need them. It feeds their ego (their already large ego, you mean). It makes them feel more of a man.
Ugh. She has a point though, doesn't she? Still, ugh.
I was reading this book and there's a part where the guy tells the heroine that he likes his women damaged. The heroine laughs and tells him that he just longs to be needed.
I brought it up with one of my bestfriends and she gasps and says, "Oh my gawd! I just realized that I do that with guys I like. Unconsciously, though."
Just before Christmas, I asked my friend's boyfriend about this...uh...theory and he kept nodding his head while I expounded on the topic. I remember him telling me that if there was anyone I liked at that moment, maybe I should ask that guy to help me with my Christmas shopping. Hellooooo, this is shopping we're talking about. If there's anyone in the world who doesn't need help shopping, it's me! Or any other girl for that matter. And the last person I would ask shopping help from would be a man! Unless, he's a wonderful gay guy who has great taste in fashion. Or unless he is Colin Farrell or someone equally yummy who will hold my hand, put his arms around me and kiss me while I hop from store to store. Ooohh la laaaa, I have started fantasizing. Erase erase. Let's focus on the subject at hand.
As I was saying....(Hehehe!)
This was furthermore confirmed by another guy friend, Gibs, who said that generally, men dig this. And last night, while talking to J over the phone, he half agrees (maybe more than half) and also uses the word "generally". When they say "it's generally true", what does that really, really mean? does that mean as a whole? So is it true, then? J also adds that some men like being the hero to the girl they like. And some men simply find a girl more attainable or easier to get when they're in distress. )Translate as: men take advantage of women when they are vulnerable.) And that of course, it's nice to be needed.
I can't help but wonder. What if I'm not a damsel in distress (and I honestly don't think I am)? And if and when I do need a man to do something for me, I have wonderful male friends who I can always rely on. What if I don't need to be saved from anything? (And if I do, God knows I'd rather do it myself) What if I only make a man feel I need them after I've fallen hopelessly inlove with them? Or when I'm in a relationship with them already? Will that lessen my chances of being liked? of finding love? of love finding me?
I can never pull the damsel in distress act. For the simple reason that it is not me. I have nothing against women who purposefully do it or women who unconsciously do. Hey, whatever floats your boat, right? All I'm saying is, it ain't my style and I doubt if it will ever be.
And if this is true, then may I just say that men truly confuse me. They hate it when women are needy and clingy. And then apparently, they also don't like it when you're not. A classic example of "damn if you do, damn if you don't". Mars, make up your marbles!
Bunny @ Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Loves the beach, wishes she had more time and money to travel, recently got hooked to
climbing mountains, reads anything she can get her hands on, frustrated writer, adores her
3-year-old Lhasa Apso, Tashi,
constantly needs caffeine, wonders when she'll quit smoking, and will most
likely die due to liver complications from drinking too much (if the cigarettes
doesn't get to her lungs first). Can't live without accessories especially
big, dangling earrings, shoe freak (aren't we all?), sucker for discovering
hole-in-the-wall restaurants, will ingest anything spicy, enjoys giving and receiving
massages, addicted to Friends, Sex and the City and CSI, goes gaga over kids, dreams of
being alone with Jim Morrison and smoking a joint with Bob
Marley. Would love to party with Gwen Stefani, shop with Patricia Field, write poetry with
Maya Angelou and have Sting, Nelson Mandela, Mark Twain and Bono over for