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::S p U n K y D a i S y:: hit tracker

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

ROUND 1 *ding*

Let the games begin.

I texted J good morning yesterday. And he did not reply. Waited, waited, and waited. Nada. Come midnight, I gave up whatever iota of hope I had left.

It's true what they say about watched phones never beeping because this morning while my thoughts were a million lightyears away from making my existence felt, he texted me good morning.

Did not reply.

A few minutes later, my phone made that familiar sound again. J again.

"Are you at work na? I'm sorry I wasn't able to reply yesterday. I left my phone kasi. Hope you have a wonderful day."

In the words of my sister (I promise I have no idea what this means but it seems appropriate), Urrruuuttt!!!

Hmph. Pfft. You have 2 phones. And you left both of them?!? And I don't care that your other phone is your Sun phone and that the chances of my number not being saved there are pretty high coz I don't have a sun number. Urut! Left your phone my big ass!

2 hours and a half later (like I could resist him. Hehe!), I replied: Hi J! Sorry late reply, had a tough night (i did naman talaga eh) and a busy and blah morning (the "busy" part--not true. the "blah", was). Good morning to you, too and have a wonderful day as well.

Seconds later (ang bilis!), he replied. Asking me if I was doing okay and why I had a tough night.

Ha! What I really wanted to say was, "I hope you're not thinking or implying that it had anything to do with you not replying..." (Even if somehow, it did. Can someone say, paranoid? or guilty? Women are freaks. But so are men.)

But what I really told him was, "It's about Carla. Super hassle but because she's like family, I had to oblige. Long story." (now this is true)

And then he called me at work. He apologized again for not replying. Said he forgot his phone at home and got home really late.

Acted like it didn't matter. Duh. Urut! (sorry, just had to say that again!)

Lately, I just want to be numb. I don't want to feel. Anything. Anymore. This heart of mine is spelling it's doom. I knew it. It was all too good to be true. I should have listened to the cynic in me (yes, it exists) when it said that J's glitch was going to be bigger than life. And didn't you learn that set-ups never work. Maybe for other people, but not for you, Buns.

I'm too old to be playing these dating games. Eh mas lalo na siya. But then again, boys we thought were men will be boys and will always be boys.

K said I should just appreciate him whenever he's there and enjoy being single when he's not. And to remember that he's free to date other people and that I am, too. True, true. It's just hard when you're falling na.

If things don't pan out the way I would like them to, I will be always be thankful to J for making me realize that there is still someone out there who I can be my total self with. Someone who shares the same passion for food, coffee, reading and writing (which reminds me, he still has 2 of my books. Alas, a reason to see him). Someone who shares the same vices. Someone who's not afraid to act silly, goofy and childish. Someone who, well, seems to like me for me. I remember telling him last weekend that my friends and I were talking about our childhood and that compared to them, it seemed like I was a really weird kid.

J: Hanggang ngayon naman eh. Hehe!
Me: At ikaw, hinde?
J: Kaya nga nagkakasundo tayo eh! Hahaha!

So if we end up being just friends, if what we have right now never moves forward, if we never take this to the next level, that's fine. So what if he's not "The One"? Maybe, his sole purpose for coming into my life is to make me realize that there is hope--that there are, as the cliche goes, other fish in the sea. Other fish who will want to be caught by me.

End of Round 1.

about moi

Loves the beach, wishes she had more time and money to travel, recently got hooked to climbing mountains, reads anything she can get her hands on, frustrated writer, adores her 3-year-old Lhasa Apso, Tashi, constantly needs caffeine, wonders when she'll quit smoking, and will most likely die due to liver complications from drinking too much (if the cigarettes doesn't get to her lungs first). Can't live without accessories especially big, dangling earrings, shoe freak (aren't we all?), sucker for discovering hole-in-the-wall restaurants, will ingest anything spicy, enjoys giving and receiving massages, addicted to Friends, Sex and the City and CSI, goes gaga over kids, dreams of being alone with Jim Morrison and smoking a joint with Bob Marley. Would love to party with Gwen Stefani, shop with Patricia Field, write poetry with Maya Angelou and have Sting, Nelson Mandela, Mark Twain and Bono over for dinner.

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Platform Wedge Sandals by Michael Kors
Semiprecious chain earrings by Cynthia Dugan

Semiprecious chain earrings by Cynthia Dugan
Thump by Oakley (mp3 player and shades in one!)
Thump by Oakley (mp3 player and shades in 1!)

quotable quote

"Love is not love, which alters when it alteration finds."
~William Shakespeare, Sonnet cxvi

in my book bag

I Know Why the Caged 

Bird Sings by Maya Angelou


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