Not because I gave a taong grasa the big, yummy ensaymada I was going to gobble up at home last night.
Not because I believe that I'm doing a good job at work and that I have finally found my personal career legend.
But also because I'm not the same girl that I used to be.
I used to be the kind of girl who would cry for days and months on end after a break-up. I would fall asleep crying and wake up crying even more. Remember that scene in "Something's Gotta Give" where Diane Keaton would cry and cry and cry every single minute of her waking day? Well, that was me. My friends would never dare leave me alone when heartbroken due to my tendency to do insane, unthinkable things. O sige na nga, I will admit it, I have a tendency to be self-destructive. I have a tendency to hurt myself when I don't have the heart to take it out on the person that I want to take it out on(which is 99.9% of the time). I also had to be out all the time. And when I say "out", I'm talking about out getting drunk so that when I get home, all I need to worry about is vomiting, and dozing off before you can even say the name of the guy who chopped my heart into pieces and fed it to the pigs.
I'm so proud of myself.
I just realized all this while choosing to spend a Friday night alone at home just watching TV and cleaning the house. I'm happy. I'm not the same girl that I used to be. I've been going straight home from work the past week doing the same thing: eat dinner, watch tv/dvd, read a book and sleep. It's sooo weird. I mean, this is what I've always wanted but it's so....uncanny. I should be miserable, in agony, mournful, wretched. I should be lamenting the loss of the man that could have been the greatest love of my life. But I'm not. I'm so normal. Some of my friends who are surprised by the break-up have been asking why I don't look devastated by the recent turn of events. I don't know. I really don't know where all this strength is coming from, how it arised or why it even exists.
But I do know that I like it.
And that I'm sooo proud of what I have become.
Happy weekend, guys!
Bunny @ Saturday, September 11, 2004
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about moi
Loves the beach, wishes she had more time and money to travel, recently got hooked to
climbing mountains, reads anything she can get her hands on, frustrated writer, adores her
3-year-old Lhasa Apso, Tashi,
constantly needs caffeine, wonders when she'll quit smoking, and will most
likely die due to liver complications from drinking too much (if the cigarettes
doesn't get to her lungs first). Can't live without accessories especially
big, dangling earrings, shoe freak (aren't we all?), sucker for discovering
hole-in-the-wall restaurants, will ingest anything spicy, enjoys giving and receiving
massages, addicted to Friends, Sex and the City and CSI, goes gaga over kids, dreams of
being alone with Jim Morrison and smoking a joint with Bob
Marley. Would love to party with Gwen Stefani, shop with Patricia Field, write poetry with
Maya Angelou and have Sting, Nelson Mandela, Mark Twain and Bono over for
dinner.
