Friday, May 14, 2004You'd think that after always being the dumpee in three long-term relationships, I would already know how to get over someone in the quickest way possible. You'd think that by now, I would have already mastered the art of mending broken hearts.
It's been a week since the break-up and I'm generally doing fine. But for the past few days, the bad side of singledom (or should i say, single-doom?) has started creeping in. Although I stil stand by the belief that our parting ways will be good for him and for me and that it's been long overdue, there are a million moments during the day when I think about how his smile and his securing embraces have made me so happy in the 3 years that we were together.
Call me the eternal optimist but I strongly believe that when there is still love, no matter how small, one should never give up and let go, even when sometimes you already feel that it has come to the point of absurdity. Do I still love him? Undeniably, still very much. In the past week, there have been countless of times when I actually still wanted to fight for what we had (or what little we have left) and I still carried hopes that we can still make our relationship work (no matter how many times we've already tried) despite all the hurtful words that's been uttered and the pain that we've been through.
Everyone makes mistakes and every couple will have problems. And I've always felt that these things will only make a relationship stronger. I guess our relationship wasn't built that way. As I look back at my shortcomings and the decisions that I shouldn't have made but did, I keep on asking myself if I regret making them. And I'm the type of person who tries hard to live with no regrets. So, do I regret the things I did? Sometimes. Coz they have always made me feel responsible for screwing up what could have been the best thing I could ever have. But then again, maybe our mistakes make our fate. Maybe without them, we wouldn't be where we are now or become the person that we are eventually, meant to become.
And so although I still hurt, there is an uncertain promise that God has something better in store and planned for me.
I'm still hopeful that Hunny will get over his issues and that I will get over mine and that someday, we would find each other and say, "Let's really make us work."
Loves the beach, wishes she had more time and money to travel, recently got hooked to climbing mountains, reads anything she can get her hands on, frustrated writer, adores her 3-year-old Lhasa Apso, Tashi, constantly needs caffeine,
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