Tuesday, June 04, 2002When i was in college, I promised my mom that once i start working, I would pay for my youngest sister's tuition. I've been keeping that promise for 2 years now. I actually not only pay for the tuition of 1 sister, but 2! But since the latter is now entering college (which i cannot afford), I am stuck with the youngest. I've already bought her new uniforms and a school bag. I still have to buy her notebooks and school supplies. It's costing me a lot. My pockets are not that deep. Plus i have a puppy that i take care of and the cost for vaccinations and dog food are just way up there.
I envy my other friends who only spend for themselves. They can buy all the stuff they want while I'm always tightening my belt, budgeting my money because other people need it. I really don't mind helping out at home, there's a feeling of fulfillment that comes with it but i can't help but say, "What about me?"
What about the things that i want to buy? What about my plans of travelling? What about those Gucci loafers i kept on telling myself i would buy when i enter the workforce? I've been employed for the past 3 years but i still don't have my loafers. I work my ass off and i can't even fully enjoy the fruits of my labor. How about my future? I should be saving up. I wanna get married in a couple of years and i don't want to ask my parents for money to spend on my wedding. But how in the world am i gonna do that if i have financial responsibilities at home.
Almost 2 years ago, I told my mom i would move out of the house and get a place of my own by January 2001. She said it was alright. I was sooo excited. Freedom. Such a beautiful and comforting word. And then suddenly, she makes plans to work in the States and tells me she's leaving in February. My plans of moving out? down the drain. Who's going to look after my sisters? It would be heartless of me to just go and leave, right? Sometimes, i think my mom's too demanding. But she's also sacrificed a lot by leaving her kids and going to the U.S. just so she can make more money.
I am left with no choice but to always look at the brighter side of life and be thankful for my job, my sisters who appreciate the things i do for them, my hunny who helps me out whenever he can, my friends who are true, and my cute puppy who wags his tail and runs to me everytime he sees me.
So there. That's my rant. I don't even know if i made sense. You be the judge.
Loves the beach, wishes she had more time and money to travel, recently got hooked to climbing mountains, reads anything she can get her hands on, frustrated writer, adores her 3-year-old Lhasa Apso, Tashi, constantly needs caffeine,
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Creating Space 101
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~William Shakespeare, Sonnet cxvi
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